Why????

Uggg Why...Why did I not eat right today?

This morning I was scheduled to work with the preK kids at our Church (I love those little kids) had a great morning with the family.  After Church we were all hungry and it was lunch time and Anna our 10 year old says Mexican sounds so good.  We haven't had Mexican food in sooo long.  Andy and I looked at one another and we were on it like white on rice.  So we went, ate too many chips and salsa.  I got a chicken fajita quesadilla with rice and beans.  It all tasted AMAZING going down then I went to pay the bill and BOOM there it sat in my gut rotting away and instantly draining my energy.  Got home and felt like CRAP.

I was so tired and no energy all day long.  Had plans on doing grand things around the house like cooking and cleaning.  Thanks cheat meal for ruining that for me.  I did some but not what I really needed to do.

So here I type and I'm still so bloated and I feel just like a tub of lard.

Now I know why I eat healthy...It's not just for the benefits of a shrinking body and number on the scale.  It's also for the fact that I have energy, I'm productive, clear mind, I feel clean, unlike now I feel really dirty.  I know that just sound silly but I do, my pores on my face feel so congested, I just feel blahhh...

So I won't hide this blog post from anyone but I'm not going to hit the little share button either so if you're reading this its because you want to.  I'm more or less writing this down for myself to remind myself the next time I want an all out BAD cheat meal to use this as a reference to remind myself just how shitty I feel after doing it.  Not just physically feel crummy but my mind is doing tricks on me too. Like now I'm overwhelmed with it all and I just want to face plant into a gallon of ice cream and give up but I've come to far and I know what it truly means to feel good and not just because my body is shrinking and the scale shows a less number but just to feel healthy and strong.  That is priceless.

Another Year Another Contest

First off I'm sorry I've neglected this blog for so long.  I've thought often of writing but I did so much writing last year that I felt like I didn't have much more to write about.  Of course those blogs are not on this blog but on Family Circle's site and I'd be surprised if they still had them up.  Anyway..back to the topic.

So year after year after year I've made grand resolutions...THIS IS MY YEAR...THE SKINNY ME IS COMING OUT.  Then the year passes and I'm still not skinny.  I have achieved many great things personally that I honestly did not think I would do.

First major goal for me....  I set my mind to train to run a half marathon in October 2011 and while in training developed "jumpers knee" in my left knee.  I spent the summer in physical therapy and had to not show up for all the training races I signed up/paid for per the doctors orders in order to heal so I could "WOG" (walk/jog) the half marathon in October 2011.  At first I was so upset when he told me no races that summer and that I had to do a TON of physical therapy on my knee and that I had WOG the race.  Then I thought wait a second you brat...you can still do it, it's not like you set a time goal for yourself your only goal was to take your vertically challenged legs and pound the pavement for 13.1 miles.  Shut up and GET IT DONE!  It took me just over 4 hours but I got it done!   I got my race bling and I went home with no plan for the day after the race, the following day or the day after that.  Well I started this blog around the time I decided to embark on this running journey and wrote frequently about my journey on being obese and training to run a half marathon.  So with that I had people that followed me, gave me kudos, atta-girl, etc.  Well when the race was over all that died down.  I didn't have any goals set for myself.  I succeeded but I failed...I succeeded by wogging the race but I failed in not making any other plans.  In comes post race blues.  The weight I took off in that journey quickly returned.

Second major goal for me...In sulking in post race blues I decide I've had enough.  Get your fat ass off the couch and do something with yourself.  Yes sorry I can be a bit mean to myself at times.  In 2012 I turned 39.  IT WAS THE YEAR OF ME!!  2012 was the year I would blast through all my hurdles, self doubt, fears of failure, fears of success and I was going to show the world the new and improved Tiffany Lehman.  I was going to show you just how awesome I really was.  So while lacking in much needed sleep to help heal muscles, burn fat and just rest (much like I'm doing right now but I swear I do go to bed much earlier and get the rest needed to heal muscles and burn fat)  I was playing around online coming up with new ways to be amazing and skinny.  I found an application to apply for Family Circle 2012 Healthy Family Challenge.  The Lehman's are strong and we are going to do this together.  I had to fill out an essay, answer questions and send a picture of the family.  I entered never thinking we would be chose.  We are just your average middle class family literally from middle America (Des Moines, Iowa).  But we were chose!  HORRAY.

We're off... it's a 6 month challenge and we have to blog, keep food journals, do photo shoots, blog more, we get a free membership to our local Gold's Gym (best gym on the planet) and my husband and I get two AMAZING personal trainers to work with and we are ready to rock and roll.  Monthly we have challenges and we're competing with another family from New Jersey to win prizes.  1st challenge is to eat your fruits and veggies...we lost that challenge (and only this challenge), 2nd healthy hydration, they didn't drink a lot of water where we are big water drinkers (Andy and I easy a gallon a day).  They were not big beer/wine drinkers...Andy and I drank too much beer and wine.  So their challenge was to drink more water and ours was to cut alcohol.  3rd challenge was to move it..I am a FREAK for working out and Andy loves it too.  The kids hello they never stop..well Jack (the 7 year old) doesn't.  We are given fitbits to wear and we hands down won.  I won't bore you with all the challenges but we rocked it but after challenge 2 ended me personally I drank way to much.  My husband, he did good in that area.  Jack, our 7 year old, is Autistic too and we had a pretty rough summer with being out of school and off schedule and things personally just were starting to slowly go South.  I get the oh wooes me, crying, eating, drinking, not being as active, etc and my progress is stale.  We rocked that challenge for the magazine and we overcame some big hurdles that summer and I finally decided OK I think it's time to put the kabosh on the wine.  2012 was the year of me alright...another year not being skinny.  The challenge was over, school was starting back up for the kids, holidays were coming..You see a pattern???  So here I am heading into 40 still fat...

So now here it is February 27th and I'm now 40.  Realistically half my life as I know it is over.  I have no race I'm training for and I am not going to be published in a national magazine and blogs posted online.   What do I do??  It's all about me and it's all up to me.  The race doesn't end, it will never end.  It's a life.  It's not about being skinny it's about being healthy.  While the scale says I need to lose weight I'm as strong as an ox and I can kick most fit girls butts out the door.  You do what I do with my trainer in an hour and lets see who's in the locker room puking...chances are I will want to but I won't and you'll be puking or passed out on the floor.  You look better than me now but I'll catch up.  I'm a slow learner but once it's there IT'S THERE.

Back up just a moment because you're probably like ok this is a nice story and all but what does this have to do with another year another contest.  Well...I recently got an iPhone 5 (my husband hates it because I love it too much, I can't get enough of it).  Prior to the iPhone I had a Blackberry with no Instagram.  Well I have found IG.  I can't get enough Instagram.  Through pictures I have virally met some amazing people and I follow them and vice versa.  They are what is known as my #fitfam.  They keep me motivated and I hope I do the same for them.  I know IG is used for far more that fitness but for me, that's the life it takes on for me...tifano98 (my Instragram user name).  One of the IG users I follow is @instagramfitness and he announced a contest with an online coach to get 8 weeks of free online coaching with @committed_jay.  Jay is a fitness BEAST.  If we wanted to be considered to win the online coaching giveaway we had to tell our story as to why in pictures and hashtag #FuelForFitness for a week and he would chose one guy and one girl.  So that's my goal is to win this so I can have 8 weeks of online coaching with @commited_jay.

So far in 2013 I have never in my life felt more spirit lead, more powerful, more strong physically and mentally.  I am seeing my body change before my eyes and I'm not letting my worth be determined by the # that's on the scale although I will say I like seeing the scale go down but I'm paying most attention to how my clothes feel, how my muscles are starting to pop out from under the fat, watching the fat melt away and just over all feeling good.  I feel so good in both mind and body and I pray that it never goes away so that I can be the best me to me and that I don't have to sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself and downing in my self pity, wife to Andy, mom to Anna and Jack, child of God (1st and foremost), best friend, best employee, etc.

In closing to this very long rambling this is me @commited_jay and why I hope I'm chose to win the #FuelForFitness challenge.

Beyond Measure

This blog post really is not going to be much about fitness or working out because let's face it....I've not done either very well lately.  I'll just air the dirty laundry first then get to the good stuff.  I have been emotional eating.  I said it..I've been emotional eating.  I had a good grasp on that but life is life and I am who I am and it was either drink way to much wine or eat to much..I chose to eat to much.  Second thing to get out in the air...I haven't had a drink of alcohol since August 13th.  People that I've told I'm no longer drinking have asked if I'm going to drink again and my answer is I don't know.  I don't really want to because it had become a place to me that wasn't good.  I'm not saying alcohol is bad for everyone but for me...it's just not a good thing and not helping me reach my goals.  

So now that we've played taxi cab confessions and have that out of the way I just want to gush a moment.  I don't really know if anyone reads this stuff and really I don't care.  This is more of a reflection for me so I can go back in my journey and reflect on what I did good and what needs improvement.  

I just want to share how I am blessed beyond measure.  Some might scratch their heads and think really, you're feeling blessed.  You have a TON on your plate and you're feeling thankful and grateful for the stress and pain.  The answer is yes because behind hurt, pain, sadness for me it forces me to take action and usually actions that are the right actions. 

As you all know Jack, my 7 year old, is Autistic.  He is so adorable, so handsome, biggest blue eyes, longest eye lashes, deep dimple and just a handsome kid.  That's his saving grace!  Plus the fact that I carried him in my womb for 9 months and I feel a deep sense of obligation to love the child...I guess that's called being a mom (sorry bad attempt at humor).  As adorable and charming as he can be he is equally difficult to manage.  Last Tuesday was a really, really bad day.  Think of your child's worst day or your worst day at the office and multiply that times 5 and that was my day.  It was also the best day.  It was the best day because I do what I do best.  I cry it out (in this case hysterically cry it out and lose all sense of looking decent for the rest of the day) and then take action.  

Monday the 22nd Andy and I met with key staff that works with Jack through out his school day and in the meeting were others from the district to discuss what is the best environment to help Jack be successful.  We all agreed he needs more supports and that he can't learn at the same level as other kids and that he needs a little more TLC to get him to where he needs to be and actions forward were made to get him to where he needs to be.  We're meeting with all the staff again in 6 weeks to evaluate where we are, what's working, what can be removed, what's not working, etc.    

About 6 weeks ago we noticed Jack starting to have what we think are seizures.  It scares us, yes I cried and we took action.  We went to the ER, went to the doctor and he's had a MRI done to show that his brain does have some abnormal function but it's not injured, no masses or tumors (thank God).  Tonight as I write this he is with Andy at Blank undergoing the last of his 48 hour video EEG.  While I'm not thankful for him now having seizures I'm thankful he's had recorded events in the hours he's been in the hospital.  I really should be sleeping right now because I'm so tired but I just felt I had to write this out before I hit the bed.  Jack has a great team of doctors and a wonderful chiropractor who support him/us.  

I'm so thankful to my parents who have been watching Anna so Andy and I could be with Jack.  Making sure she's well cared for, brought her to the hospital to see her brother and gave her the same love and care that Andy and I would here at home.  I'm so thankful for Anna.  Gosh that girl is wise well beyond her 1st decade on this planet.  She is such a sweet hearted loving child.  She loves God with all her heart, loves her brother despite him truly being the picture perfect younger pesky brother.  She respects (most of the time) and loves Andy and I and has such great manners.  She loves her friends and has a great group of young ladies in her life.  So thankful for my sister, her husband and their kids for helping when they can and just loving us.  My immediate family is so much more than what is inside my 4 walls.  My immediate family are my 4 and the other 7.  Together the 9 of us are a great crew and I couldn't do this with out them.  Last week was so emotionally draining and it is such a blessing to know that on your way into work you can call your sister and just let it all out and get it out with out judgement and just receive great advise, support and wisdom.  I'm so blessed to have all of that.  

What I've realized today while life has thrown us some lemons really we have the best lemonade stand on the block.  I am so blessed by God, love and family.  With all of those at the center and the core of my life I can't help but too succeed...

So in writing this I guess it does come down to fitness and healthy living....It's all a cycle and it's all life.  We do what we can in the moment and do our best the next day.  So while I've been emotionally eating the good news tomorrow is a new day and I get to make new choices.  All I need to do is show up.... 

I was looking through pictures that I snapped last Saturday while I took the kids to the park to get fall pictures and after the pictures we played at the park area.  I love these two pictures because it just shows the joy in their faces and I'm so thankful for that joy because they belong to me (Andy and God to of course).  These pictures inspired me to write this blog entry and I just felt compelled to share my heart.   

The Gift of Physical Fitness

Today I really did not want to run.  I restarted the C25K program with my girlfriend Wendy to train to do a race in the near future.  It's kind of cold and windy here today but I'm committed to getting back into running and committed to my running partner.  I sent Wendy a text saying something along the lines of give me some mojo because I'm not feeling it today.  She sent me a text back of course filled of wonderful words of encouragement and so I went.

My son's school is about a 1/4 of a mile from our house and they have a great walking trail on the school grounds.  So off I go.  I start walking as the C25K program says and then begin to run.  In the beginning of the run I really didn't have any specific thoughts but I got about 15 minutes in and my legs felt great and I thought why am I complaining and having second thoughts about running today?  What a gift it is to be able to run. What a gift it is to be able to do any kind of physical fitness.

I have a pretty amazing group of women in my life who lift me up and encourage me.  Recently an email went out to these women on writing a daily gratitude list.  I have had a lot going on just like every other wife and mother out there but I was getting sort of a cold heart.  I typically see the glass as half full rather than half empty and I was beginning to feel empty.  Even in my work outs with my personal train that I LOVE and look forward to every time we work out I was beginning to not look forward to and during the work out just run out of gas.

So today I am so thankful and grateful to have the gift of physical fitness.  I feel so amazing and refreshed when the work out is over.  I love seeing the changes in my body and the little aches that come with it knowing that I worked my muscles and I worked them hard!  It's their little way of thanking me for a job well done.

So if you're like me and not feeling like getting out there and doing it...go do it.  You'll feel so much better for it.  For nothing more than the feeling of cool air on your face and to smell the fall air.

Here is a picture that I took today while out on my run.  This is on the track at my son's school.  I love this little walking track.

Hi Stranger

Gosh it's been AGES since I last used this blog.  It's not that I haven't been blogging it's that I've been blogging for Family Circle Magazine.  As I'm sure you know we were part of a six month challenge with Family Circle Magazine for healthy and fit living.  It was a great experience and one that I miss.

Since the challenge has completed I lost my mojo.  I have a pattern.  I do so good for so long or I set a goal and I reach it and then once it's over I kind of go into self.  It's not on purpose I think I just get burnt out.  Although I am happy to report that I didn't totally lose myself like I did after the half marathon last October.  I've not gone into "post race blues" or anything like that.  I am still training 3 times a week but my food intake has suffered.  I have gained back 8 of the 30 I've lost since the beginning of 2012.

Yesterday here in my hometown was the Color Run.  I had plans on doing the race but I just didn't follow through.  I had people ask me about it in passing and it just came and went and I never did get signed up.  Last night I was texting with my good friend, Wendy, who did her first race and her excitement and her new addiction lit a fire in me.  We decided we are going to run the Fairgrounds 5K next month.  It was my very first race I ever did when I started on this journey.  It's a very hilly race but I really love it!  I'm so excited to be doing this with Wendy (and anyone else that wants to join us).

Today I went out for my first run in AGES.  Felt great to be out there again and pushing myself.  My goal is to train with my personal trainer, Lass, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening and do the Couch-to-5K every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.  The C25K program is a great program to add into a fitness routine and one that will help ease back into running with out injury.

I'm going to do my best to write a blog at least 3 times a month to help hold myself accountable.  I did so much writing over the last 6 months that I was kind of burnt out but I'm ready to start back up.  Plus this blog is just for my friends and not for the masses that check out Family Circle's website.  Plus here I can ramble, I ramble a lot with the FC blog too but this is different.  This is my own, this is my baby and something that is all mine.

I hope those reading this are living a fit, whole, and well life.

How full is your plate???

Oh goodness has today been a roller coaster.  My plate is feeling so full right now that I have so much going on that I can't process it all at once and I don't know where to begin.  It's seriously ADD and I'm not ADD just life is ADD.  

Not a ton is going on and really I have nothing to complain about however... I have so much going on in my little world that I feel I have to much on my plate.  Really what I realized today is I need to make a to-do list!  I have to start making lists or a schedule for myself so I know once this is done then do this.  We make visual and written schedules for Jack at home and at school  that I think I need one for myself too.   A "Mommy To-Do List" if you will.  

As you know I'm in an extreme fitness challenge at my gym at work.  Well today was circuit training.  Usually I LOVE circuit training however one of the exercises the trainer had us doing was almost impossible for me to do.  It was hold plank while doing an upright row with a heavy weight (10-15 pounds).  We were doing stations and it was go at your own pace but get the stations done.  Well I was being lapped and I don't like to be lapped.  Show me some one that likes to be in last place and I'll show you a last place person.  I know that is harsh and wrong to feel but in my mind it's how I think when it comes to working out.  So while doing the exercise I got over come with emotion and I finished my set and I had to walk out of the class room because I just broke down.  The trainer leading the class came out to make sure I was OK and I told her how I felt and she encouraged me telling me I was doing a great job and to keep giving my best.  So I went back in still crying and finished.  I was the last one finished at the end but by the end I didn't feel like I lost but that I won.  The old me would have said forget it, this is to hard, I'm out.  I would have found an excuse to quit and let myself feel good about quitting although I wouldn't have called it "quitting" but just finding a reason to not finish.  

So the lesson I learned today is to evenly portion the plate, give up some control, realize that the house is not going to be white glove clean 7 days a week (who am I kidding...this house will NEVER be white glove clean.  I like to call the Little Lehman Pad an organized disaster), there will be dishes in the sink and always laundry to fold but I'm so thankful for my messes because it means I'm living a great life with my husband, kids and our adventures we have in our life!  Most importantly I/we are doing what is necessary so that we can be around to do our best to keep the house white glove clean...HA RIGHT...WRONG!   To expect perfection in this area while having children is almost laughable and the joke is on the one thinking it's possible!

Growing HUGE on the INSIDE while SHRINKING on the OUTSIDE

Hello from Dallas, TX.  I'm at a leadership event and had the honor to listen to Rick Goings give a lecture yesterday.  He talked about the science of personal achievement and gave eight steps. I'm going to share with you what they are and what they mean to me.  I'm not going to go into all of them right now because this blog would turn into a book so I'll break it up.   I'm going to to a little mini-series because it spoke so loudly to me and I feel like it's my responsibility to share this with anyone and everyone that reads this blog regardless if I know them personally or not.

Step 1:  MINDSET.  What is your life's philosophy?  What do you want to do when you grow up? What is your calling?  Do you journal?  How are you growing?

What is philosophy exactly?  Per dictionary.com it's "A system of principles for guidance in practical affairs."  So in life and weight loss you have to have a plan, if you don't have a plan then you really don't have much.

My current life philosophy is to always give thanks to the one that deserves it the most!  Things don't happen by accident and I don't believe in luck.  I believe in blessings.  Everything happens for a reason it's how you react to it is what will determine the outcome.  It might be an immediate reaction or it might be something that takes years.  I can think of so many things that have happened in my life that I wanted so bad and when they didn't turn out the way I thought it should then I was upset and now standing here today and reflecting back I'm so thankful that those desired events didn't happen.  I'm so thankful for the pain I endured to get to where I am today and you know what....I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED.   I haven't reached an 1/8 of my potential.  I can't imagine the blessings that will be poured over me and my family when I truly live by my life's philosophy.

What is your calling?  For me..My calling is to serve.  I love to serve others.  Sure I'm selfish and I want to have it all but in the process I want to touch as many hearts and lives that I can in all my actions not just in fitness and weight loss.  As many of you know I have a little side business that I run where I go and pamper busy women!  There is nothing that gives me greater joy then to go into a woman's home and pamper and spoil them.  You need the time for yourself and you deserve it!  Best of all I bring all the treatments and it's FREE!!  This isn't a sales pitch honestly but I'm just opening up a little about how I love to serve others and how by me providing service to you deeply feeds my soul and answers my calling.

I have had so many people come up to me and tell me how much they love my blog and that they never comment but read it and that they check to see if I've written anything new.  That means so much to me. I'm so inspired by others who truly love and live life.  We have to little time on this earth to be negative.  If you want something it is your job to go out and get it and if you don't go out there and get it then you don't have anything to complain about.  Now I'm not saying you never should be frustrated but take that frustration and say to yourself how can I turn this into a positive, what have I learned from this?  

How are you growing?  Well in my case I'm shrinking but that is only on the outside.  On the inside I'm growing by the minute.  Really focused on the end goal and the small goals in getting to the end.  Honestly there is no end.  I saw picture not long ago that said "Train like there is no finish line."  Simple as that...train as if there is no finish line.

So with that for now I leave you with....Get out there and train like there is no finish line...not just in fitness and weight loss but in your own life and your own personal growth and development.