Uggg Why...Why did I not eat right today?
This morning I was scheduled to work with the preK kids at our Church (I love those little kids) had a great morning with the family. After Church we were all hungry and it was lunch time and Anna our 10 year old says Mexican sounds so good. We haven't had Mexican food in sooo long. Andy and I looked at one another and we were on it like white on rice. So we went, ate too many chips and salsa. I got a chicken fajita quesadilla with rice and beans. It all tasted AMAZING going down then I went to pay the bill and BOOM there it sat in my gut rotting away and instantly draining my energy. Got home and felt like CRAP.
I was so tired and no energy all day long. Had plans on doing grand things around the house like cooking and cleaning. Thanks cheat meal for ruining that for me. I did some but not what I really needed to do.
So here I type and I'm still so bloated and I feel just like a tub of lard.
Now I know why I eat healthy...It's not just for the benefits of a shrinking body and number on the scale. It's also for the fact that I have energy, I'm productive, clear mind, I feel clean, unlike now I feel really dirty. I know that just sound silly but I do, my pores on my face feel so congested, I just feel blahhh...
So I won't hide this blog post from anyone but I'm not going to hit the little share button either so if you're reading this its because you want to. I'm more or less writing this down for myself to remind myself the next time I want an all out BAD cheat meal to use this as a reference to remind myself just how shitty I feel after doing it. Not just physically feel crummy but my mind is doing tricks on me too. Like now I'm overwhelmed with it all and I just want to face plant into a gallon of ice cream and give up but I've come to far and I know what it truly means to feel good and not just because my body is shrinking and the scale shows a less number but just to feel healthy and strong. That is priceless.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Another Year Another Contest
First off I'm sorry I've neglected this blog for so long. I've thought often of writing but I did so much writing last year that I felt like I didn't have much more to write about. Of course those blogs are not on this blog but on Family Circle's site and I'd be surprised if they still had them up. Anyway..back to the topic.
So year after year after year I've made grand resolutions...THIS IS MY YEAR...THE SKINNY ME IS COMING OUT. Then the year passes and I'm still not skinny. I have achieved many great things personally that I honestly did not think I would do.
First major goal for me.... I set my mind to train to run a half marathon in October 2011 and while in training developed "jumpers knee" in my left knee. I spent the summer in physical therapy and had to not show up for all the training races I signed up/paid for per the doctors orders in order to heal so I could "WOG" (walk/jog) the half marathon in October 2011. At first I was so upset when he told me no races that summer and that I had to do a TON of physical therapy on my knee and that I had WOG the race. Then I thought wait a second you brat...you can still do it, it's not like you set a time goal for yourself your only goal was to take your vertically challenged legs and pound the pavement for 13.1 miles. Shut up and GET IT DONE! It took me just over 4 hours but I got it done! I got my race bling and I went home with no plan for the day after the race, the following day or the day after that. Well I started this blog around the time I decided to embark on this running journey and wrote frequently about my journey on being obese and training to run a half marathon. So with that I had people that followed me, gave me kudos, atta-girl, etc. Well when the race was over all that died down. I didn't have any goals set for myself. I succeeded but I failed...I succeeded by wogging the race but I failed in not making any other plans. In comes post race blues. The weight I took off in that journey quickly returned.
Second major goal for me...In sulking in post race blues I decide I've had enough. Get your fat ass off the couch and do something with yourself. Yes sorry I can be a bit mean to myself at times. In 2012 I turned 39. IT WAS THE YEAR OF ME!! 2012 was the year I would blast through all my hurdles, self doubt, fears of failure, fears of success and I was going to show the world the new and improved Tiffany Lehman. I was going to show you just how awesome I really was. So while lacking in much needed sleep to help heal muscles, burn fat and just rest (much like I'm doing right now but I swear I do go to bed much earlier and get the rest needed to heal muscles and burn fat) I was playing around online coming up with new ways to be amazing and skinny. I found an application to apply for Family Circle 2012 Healthy Family Challenge. The Lehman's are strong and we are going to do this together. I had to fill out an essay, answer questions and send a picture of the family. I entered never thinking we would be chose. We are just your average middle class family literally from middle America (Des Moines, Iowa). But we were chose! HORRAY.
We're off... it's a 6 month challenge and we have to blog, keep food journals, do photo shoots, blog more, we get a free membership to our local Gold's Gym (best gym on the planet) and my husband and I get two AMAZING personal trainers to work with and we are ready to rock and roll. Monthly we have challenges and we're competing with another family from New Jersey to win prizes. 1st challenge is to eat your fruits and veggies...we lost that challenge (and only this challenge), 2nd healthy hydration, they didn't drink a lot of water where we are big water drinkers (Andy and I easy a gallon a day). They were not big beer/wine drinkers...Andy and I drank too much beer and wine. So their challenge was to drink more water and ours was to cut alcohol. 3rd challenge was to move it..I am a FREAK for working out and Andy loves it too. The kids hello they never stop..well Jack (the 7 year old) doesn't. We are given fitbits to wear and we hands down won. I won't bore you with all the challenges but we rocked it but after challenge 2 ended me personally I drank way to much. My husband, he did good in that area. Jack, our 7 year old, is Autistic too and we had a pretty rough summer with being out of school and off schedule and things personally just were starting to slowly go South. I get the oh wooes me, crying, eating, drinking, not being as active, etc and my progress is stale. We rocked that challenge for the magazine and we overcame some big hurdles that summer and I finally decided OK I think it's time to put the kabosh on the wine. 2012 was the year of me alright...another year not being skinny. The challenge was over, school was starting back up for the kids, holidays were coming..You see a pattern??? So here I am heading into 40 still fat...
So now here it is February 27th and I'm now 40. Realistically half my life as I know it is over. I have no race I'm training for and I am not going to be published in a national magazine and blogs posted online. What do I do?? It's all about me and it's all up to me. The race doesn't end, it will never end. It's a life. It's not about being skinny it's about being healthy. While the scale says I need to lose weight I'm as strong as an ox and I can kick most fit girls butts out the door. You do what I do with my trainer in an hour and lets see who's in the locker room puking...chances are I will want to but I won't and you'll be puking or passed out on the floor. You look better than me now but I'll catch up. I'm a slow learner but once it's there IT'S THERE.
Back up just a moment because you're probably like ok this is a nice story and all but what does this have to do with another year another contest. Well...I recently got an iPhone 5 (my husband hates it because I love it too much, I can't get enough of it). Prior to the iPhone I had a Blackberry with no Instagram. Well I have found IG. I can't get enough Instagram. Through pictures I have virally met some amazing people and I follow them and vice versa. They are what is known as my #fitfam. They keep me motivated and I hope I do the same for them. I know IG is used for far more that fitness but for me, that's the life it takes on for me...tifano98 (my Instragram user name). One of the IG users I follow is @instagramfitness and he announced a contest with an online coach to get 8 weeks of free online coaching with @committed_jay. Jay is a fitness BEAST. If we wanted to be considered to win the online coaching giveaway we had to tell our story as to why in pictures and hashtag #FuelForFitness for a week and he would chose one guy and one girl. So that's my goal is to win this so I can have 8 weeks of online coaching with @commited_jay.
So far in 2013 I have never in my life felt more spirit lead, more powerful, more strong physically and mentally. I am seeing my body change before my eyes and I'm not letting my worth be determined by the # that's on the scale although I will say I like seeing the scale go down but I'm paying most attention to how my clothes feel, how my muscles are starting to pop out from under the fat, watching the fat melt away and just over all feeling good. I feel so good in both mind and body and I pray that it never goes away so that I can be the best me to me and that I don't have to sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself and downing in my self pity, wife to Andy, mom to Anna and Jack, child of God (1st and foremost), best friend, best employee, etc.
In closing to this very long rambling this is me @commited_jay and why I hope I'm chose to win the #FuelForFitness challenge.
So year after year after year I've made grand resolutions...THIS IS MY YEAR...THE SKINNY ME IS COMING OUT. Then the year passes and I'm still not skinny. I have achieved many great things personally that I honestly did not think I would do.
First major goal for me.... I set my mind to train to run a half marathon in October 2011 and while in training developed "jumpers knee" in my left knee. I spent the summer in physical therapy and had to not show up for all the training races I signed up/paid for per the doctors orders in order to heal so I could "WOG" (walk/jog) the half marathon in October 2011. At first I was so upset when he told me no races that summer and that I had to do a TON of physical therapy on my knee and that I had WOG the race. Then I thought wait a second you brat...you can still do it, it's not like you set a time goal for yourself your only goal was to take your vertically challenged legs and pound the pavement for 13.1 miles. Shut up and GET IT DONE! It took me just over 4 hours but I got it done! I got my race bling and I went home with no plan for the day after the race, the following day or the day after that. Well I started this blog around the time I decided to embark on this running journey and wrote frequently about my journey on being obese and training to run a half marathon. So with that I had people that followed me, gave me kudos, atta-girl, etc. Well when the race was over all that died down. I didn't have any goals set for myself. I succeeded but I failed...I succeeded by wogging the race but I failed in not making any other plans. In comes post race blues. The weight I took off in that journey quickly returned.
Second major goal for me...In sulking in post race blues I decide I've had enough. Get your fat ass off the couch and do something with yourself. Yes sorry I can be a bit mean to myself at times. In 2012 I turned 39. IT WAS THE YEAR OF ME!! 2012 was the year I would blast through all my hurdles, self doubt, fears of failure, fears of success and I was going to show the world the new and improved Tiffany Lehman. I was going to show you just how awesome I really was. So while lacking in much needed sleep to help heal muscles, burn fat and just rest (much like I'm doing right now but I swear I do go to bed much earlier and get the rest needed to heal muscles and burn fat) I was playing around online coming up with new ways to be amazing and skinny. I found an application to apply for Family Circle 2012 Healthy Family Challenge. The Lehman's are strong and we are going to do this together. I had to fill out an essay, answer questions and send a picture of the family. I entered never thinking we would be chose. We are just your average middle class family literally from middle America (Des Moines, Iowa). But we were chose! HORRAY.
We're off... it's a 6 month challenge and we have to blog, keep food journals, do photo shoots, blog more, we get a free membership to our local Gold's Gym (best gym on the planet) and my husband and I get two AMAZING personal trainers to work with and we are ready to rock and roll. Monthly we have challenges and we're competing with another family from New Jersey to win prizes. 1st challenge is to eat your fruits and veggies...we lost that challenge (and only this challenge), 2nd healthy hydration, they didn't drink a lot of water where we are big water drinkers (Andy and I easy a gallon a day). They were not big beer/wine drinkers...Andy and I drank too much beer and wine. So their challenge was to drink more water and ours was to cut alcohol. 3rd challenge was to move it..I am a FREAK for working out and Andy loves it too. The kids hello they never stop..well Jack (the 7 year old) doesn't. We are given fitbits to wear and we hands down won. I won't bore you with all the challenges but we rocked it but after challenge 2 ended me personally I drank way to much. My husband, he did good in that area. Jack, our 7 year old, is Autistic too and we had a pretty rough summer with being out of school and off schedule and things personally just were starting to slowly go South. I get the oh wooes me, crying, eating, drinking, not being as active, etc and my progress is stale. We rocked that challenge for the magazine and we overcame some big hurdles that summer and I finally decided OK I think it's time to put the kabosh on the wine. 2012 was the year of me alright...another year not being skinny. The challenge was over, school was starting back up for the kids, holidays were coming..You see a pattern??? So here I am heading into 40 still fat...
So now here it is February 27th and I'm now 40. Realistically half my life as I know it is over. I have no race I'm training for and I am not going to be published in a national magazine and blogs posted online. What do I do?? It's all about me and it's all up to me. The race doesn't end, it will never end. It's a life. It's not about being skinny it's about being healthy. While the scale says I need to lose weight I'm as strong as an ox and I can kick most fit girls butts out the door. You do what I do with my trainer in an hour and lets see who's in the locker room puking...chances are I will want to but I won't and you'll be puking or passed out on the floor. You look better than me now but I'll catch up. I'm a slow learner but once it's there IT'S THERE.
Back up just a moment because you're probably like ok this is a nice story and all but what does this have to do with another year another contest. Well...I recently got an iPhone 5 (my husband hates it because I love it too much, I can't get enough of it). Prior to the iPhone I had a Blackberry with no Instagram. Well I have found IG. I can't get enough Instagram. Through pictures I have virally met some amazing people and I follow them and vice versa. They are what is known as my #fitfam. They keep me motivated and I hope I do the same for them. I know IG is used for far more that fitness but for me, that's the life it takes on for me...tifano98 (my Instragram user name). One of the IG users I follow is @instagramfitness and he announced a contest with an online coach to get 8 weeks of free online coaching with @committed_jay. Jay is a fitness BEAST. If we wanted to be considered to win the online coaching giveaway we had to tell our story as to why in pictures and hashtag #FuelForFitness for a week and he would chose one guy and one girl. So that's my goal is to win this so I can have 8 weeks of online coaching with @commited_jay.
So far in 2013 I have never in my life felt more spirit lead, more powerful, more strong physically and mentally. I am seeing my body change before my eyes and I'm not letting my worth be determined by the # that's on the scale although I will say I like seeing the scale go down but I'm paying most attention to how my clothes feel, how my muscles are starting to pop out from under the fat, watching the fat melt away and just over all feeling good. I feel so good in both mind and body and I pray that it never goes away so that I can be the best me to me and that I don't have to sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself and downing in my self pity, wife to Andy, mom to Anna and Jack, child of God (1st and foremost), best friend, best employee, etc.
In closing to this very long rambling this is me @commited_jay and why I hope I'm chose to win the #FuelForFitness challenge.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Beyond Measure
This blog post really is not going to be much about fitness or working out because let's face it....I've not done either very well lately. I'll just air the dirty laundry first then get to the good stuff. I have been emotional eating. I said it..I've been emotional eating. I had a good grasp on that but life is life and I am who I am and it was either drink way to much wine or eat to much..I chose to eat to much. Second thing to get out in the air...I haven't had a drink of alcohol since August 13th. People that I've told I'm no longer drinking have asked if I'm going to drink again and my answer is I don't know. I don't really want to because it had become a place to me that wasn't good. I'm not saying alcohol is bad for everyone but for me...it's just not a good thing and not helping me reach my goals.
So now that we've played taxi cab confessions and have that out of the way I just want to gush a moment. I don't really know if anyone reads this stuff and really I don't care. This is more of a reflection for me so I can go back in my journey and reflect on what I did good and what needs improvement.
I just want to share how I am blessed beyond measure. Some might scratch their heads and think really, you're feeling blessed. You have a TON on your plate and you're feeling thankful and grateful for the stress and pain. The answer is yes because behind hurt, pain, sadness for me it forces me to take action and usually actions that are the right actions.
As you all know Jack, my 7 year old, is Autistic. He is so adorable, so handsome, biggest blue eyes, longest eye lashes, deep dimple and just a handsome kid. That's his saving grace! Plus the fact that I carried him in my womb for 9 months and I feel a deep sense of obligation to love the child...I guess that's called being a mom (sorry bad attempt at humor). As adorable and charming as he can be he is equally difficult to manage. Last Tuesday was a really, really bad day. Think of your child's worst day or your worst day at the office and multiply that times 5 and that was my day. It was also the best day. It was the best day because I do what I do best. I cry it out (in this case hysterically cry it out and lose all sense of looking decent for the rest of the day) and then take action.
Monday the 22nd Andy and I met with key staff that works with Jack through out his school day and in the meeting were others from the district to discuss what is the best environment to help Jack be successful. We all agreed he needs more supports and that he can't learn at the same level as other kids and that he needs a little more TLC to get him to where he needs to be and actions forward were made to get him to where he needs to be. We're meeting with all the staff again in 6 weeks to evaluate where we are, what's working, what can be removed, what's not working, etc.
About 6 weeks ago we noticed Jack starting to have what we think are seizures. It scares us, yes I cried and we took action. We went to the ER, went to the doctor and he's had a MRI done to show that his brain does have some abnormal function but it's not injured, no masses or tumors (thank God). Tonight as I write this he is with Andy at Blank undergoing the last of his 48 hour video EEG. While I'm not thankful for him now having seizures I'm thankful he's had recorded events in the hours he's been in the hospital. I really should be sleeping right now because I'm so tired but I just felt I had to write this out before I hit the bed. Jack has a great team of doctors and a wonderful chiropractor who support him/us.
I'm so thankful to my parents who have been watching Anna so Andy and I could be with Jack. Making sure she's well cared for, brought her to the hospital to see her brother and gave her the same love and care that Andy and I would here at home. I'm so thankful for Anna. Gosh that girl is wise well beyond her 1st decade on this planet. She is such a sweet hearted loving child. She loves God with all her heart, loves her brother despite him truly being the picture perfect younger pesky brother. She respects (most of the time) and loves Andy and I and has such great manners. She loves her friends and has a great group of young ladies in her life. So thankful for my sister, her husband and their kids for helping when they can and just loving us. My immediate family is so much more than what is inside my 4 walls. My immediate family are my 4 and the other 7. Together the 9 of us are a great crew and I couldn't do this with out them. Last week was so emotionally draining and it is such a blessing to know that on your way into work you can call your sister and just let it all out and get it out with out judgement and just receive great advise, support and wisdom. I'm so blessed to have all of that.
What I've realized today while life has thrown us some lemons really we have the best lemonade stand on the block. I am so blessed by God, love and family. With all of those at the center and the core of my life I can't help but too succeed...
So in writing this I guess it does come down to fitness and healthy living....It's all a cycle and it's all life. We do what we can in the moment and do our best the next day. So while I've been emotionally eating the good news tomorrow is a new day and I get to make new choices. All I need to do is show up....
I was looking through pictures that I snapped last Saturday while I took the kids to the park to get fall pictures and after the pictures we played at the park area. I love these two pictures because it just shows the joy in their faces and I'm so thankful for that joy because they belong to me (Andy and God to of course). These pictures inspired me to write this blog entry and I just felt compelled to share my heart.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
The Gift of Physical Fitness
Today I really did not want to run. I restarted the C25K program with my girlfriend Wendy to train to do a race in the near future. It's kind of cold and windy here today but I'm committed to getting back into running and committed to my running partner. I sent Wendy a text saying something along the lines of give me some mojo because I'm not feeling it today. She sent me a text back of course filled of wonderful words of encouragement and so I went.
My son's school is about a 1/4 of a mile from our house and they have a great walking trail on the school grounds. So off I go. I start walking as the C25K program says and then begin to run. In the beginning of the run I really didn't have any specific thoughts but I got about 15 minutes in and my legs felt great and I thought why am I complaining and having second thoughts about running today? What a gift it is to be able to run. What a gift it is to be able to do any kind of physical fitness.
I have a pretty amazing group of women in my life who lift me up and encourage me. Recently an email went out to these women on writing a daily gratitude list. I have had a lot going on just like every other wife and mother out there but I was getting sort of a cold heart. I typically see the glass as half full rather than half empty and I was beginning to feel empty. Even in my work outs with my personal train that I LOVE and look forward to every time we work out I was beginning to not look forward to and during the work out just run out of gas.
So today I am so thankful and grateful to have the gift of physical fitness. I feel so amazing and refreshed when the work out is over. I love seeing the changes in my body and the little aches that come with it knowing that I worked my muscles and I worked them hard! It's their little way of thanking me for a job well done.
So if you're like me and not feeling like getting out there and doing it...go do it. You'll feel so much better for it. For nothing more than the feeling of cool air on your face and to smell the fall air.
Here is a picture that I took today while out on my run. This is on the track at my son's school. I love this little walking track.
My son's school is about a 1/4 of a mile from our house and they have a great walking trail on the school grounds. So off I go. I start walking as the C25K program says and then begin to run. In the beginning of the run I really didn't have any specific thoughts but I got about 15 minutes in and my legs felt great and I thought why am I complaining and having second thoughts about running today? What a gift it is to be able to run. What a gift it is to be able to do any kind of physical fitness.
I have a pretty amazing group of women in my life who lift me up and encourage me. Recently an email went out to these women on writing a daily gratitude list. I have had a lot going on just like every other wife and mother out there but I was getting sort of a cold heart. I typically see the glass as half full rather than half empty and I was beginning to feel empty. Even in my work outs with my personal train that I LOVE and look forward to every time we work out I was beginning to not look forward to and during the work out just run out of gas.
So today I am so thankful and grateful to have the gift of physical fitness. I feel so amazing and refreshed when the work out is over. I love seeing the changes in my body and the little aches that come with it knowing that I worked my muscles and I worked them hard! It's their little way of thanking me for a job well done.
So if you're like me and not feeling like getting out there and doing it...go do it. You'll feel so much better for it. For nothing more than the feeling of cool air on your face and to smell the fall air.
Here is a picture that I took today while out on my run. This is on the track at my son's school. I love this little walking track.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Hi Stranger
Gosh it's been AGES since I last used this blog. It's not that I haven't been blogging it's that I've been blogging for Family Circle Magazine. As I'm sure you know we were part of a six month challenge with Family Circle Magazine for healthy and fit living. It was a great experience and one that I miss.
Since the challenge has completed I lost my mojo. I have a pattern. I do so good for so long or I set a goal and I reach it and then once it's over I kind of go into self. It's not on purpose I think I just get burnt out. Although I am happy to report that I didn't totally lose myself like I did after the half marathon last October. I've not gone into "post race blues" or anything like that. I am still training 3 times a week but my food intake has suffered. I have gained back 8 of the 30 I've lost since the beginning of 2012.
Yesterday here in my hometown was the Color Run. I had plans on doing the race but I just didn't follow through. I had people ask me about it in passing and it just came and went and I never did get signed up. Last night I was texting with my good friend, Wendy, who did her first race and her excitement and her new addiction lit a fire in me. We decided we are going to run the Fairgrounds 5K next month. It was my very first race I ever did when I started on this journey. It's a very hilly race but I really love it! I'm so excited to be doing this with Wendy (and anyone else that wants to join us).
Today I went out for my first run in AGES. Felt great to be out there again and pushing myself. My goal is to train with my personal trainer, Lass, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening and do the Couch-to-5K every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. The C25K program is a great program to add into a fitness routine and one that will help ease back into running with out injury.
I'm going to do my best to write a blog at least 3 times a month to help hold myself accountable. I did so much writing over the last 6 months that I was kind of burnt out but I'm ready to start back up. Plus this blog is just for my friends and not for the masses that check out Family Circle's website. Plus here I can ramble, I ramble a lot with the FC blog too but this is different. This is my own, this is my baby and something that is all mine.
I hope those reading this are living a fit, whole, and well life.
Since the challenge has completed I lost my mojo. I have a pattern. I do so good for so long or I set a goal and I reach it and then once it's over I kind of go into self. It's not on purpose I think I just get burnt out. Although I am happy to report that I didn't totally lose myself like I did after the half marathon last October. I've not gone into "post race blues" or anything like that. I am still training 3 times a week but my food intake has suffered. I have gained back 8 of the 30 I've lost since the beginning of 2012.
Yesterday here in my hometown was the Color Run. I had plans on doing the race but I just didn't follow through. I had people ask me about it in passing and it just came and went and I never did get signed up. Last night I was texting with my good friend, Wendy, who did her first race and her excitement and her new addiction lit a fire in me. We decided we are going to run the Fairgrounds 5K next month. It was my very first race I ever did when I started on this journey. It's a very hilly race but I really love it! I'm so excited to be doing this with Wendy (and anyone else that wants to join us).
Today I went out for my first run in AGES. Felt great to be out there again and pushing myself. My goal is to train with my personal trainer, Lass, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening and do the Couch-to-5K every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. The C25K program is a great program to add into a fitness routine and one that will help ease back into running with out injury.
I'm going to do my best to write a blog at least 3 times a month to help hold myself accountable. I did so much writing over the last 6 months that I was kind of burnt out but I'm ready to start back up. Plus this blog is just for my friends and not for the masses that check out Family Circle's website. Plus here I can ramble, I ramble a lot with the FC blog too but this is different. This is my own, this is my baby and something that is all mine.
I hope those reading this are living a fit, whole, and well life.
Monday, March 12, 2012
How full is your plate???
Oh goodness has today been a roller coaster. My plate is feeling so full right now that I have so much going on that I can't process it all at once and I don't know where to begin. It's seriously ADD and I'm not ADD just life is ADD.
Not a ton is going on and really I have nothing to complain about however... I have so much going on in my little world that I feel I have to much on my plate. Really what I realized today is I need to make a to-do list! I have to start making lists or a schedule for myself so I know once this is done then do this. We make visual and written schedules for Jack at home and at school that I think I need one for myself too. A "Mommy To-Do List" if you will.
As you know I'm in an extreme fitness challenge at my gym at work. Well today was circuit training. Usually I LOVE circuit training however one of the exercises the trainer had us doing was almost impossible for me to do. It was hold plank while doing an upright row with a heavy weight (10-15 pounds). We were doing stations and it was go at your own pace but get the stations done. Well I was being lapped and I don't like to be lapped. Show me some one that likes to be in last place and I'll show you a last place person. I know that is harsh and wrong to feel but in my mind it's how I think when it comes to working out. So while doing the exercise I got over come with emotion and I finished my set and I had to walk out of the class room because I just broke down. The trainer leading the class came out to make sure I was OK and I told her how I felt and she encouraged me telling me I was doing a great job and to keep giving my best. So I went back in still crying and finished. I was the last one finished at the end but by the end I didn't feel like I lost but that I won. The old me would have said forget it, this is to hard, I'm out. I would have found an excuse to quit and let myself feel good about quitting although I wouldn't have called it "quitting" but just finding a reason to not finish.
So the lesson I learned today is to evenly portion the plate, give up some control, realize that the house is not going to be white glove clean 7 days a week (who am I kidding...this house will NEVER be white glove clean. I like to call the Little Lehman Pad an organized disaster), there will be dishes in the sink and always laundry to fold but I'm so thankful for my messes because it means I'm living a great life with my husband, kids and our adventures we have in our life! Most importantly I/we are doing what is necessary so that we can be around to do our best to keep the house white glove clean...HA RIGHT...WRONG! To expect perfection in this area while having children is almost laughable and the joke is on the one thinking it's possible!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Growing HUGE on the INSIDE while SHRINKING on the OUTSIDE
Hello from Dallas, TX. I'm at a leadership event and had the honor to listen to Rick Goings give a lecture yesterday. He talked about the science of personal achievement and gave eight steps. I'm going to share with you what they are and what they mean to me. I'm not going to go into all of them right now because this blog would turn into a book so I'll break it up. I'm going to to a little mini-series because it spoke so loudly to me and I feel like it's my responsibility to share this with anyone and everyone that reads this blog regardless if I know them personally or not.
Step 1: MINDSET. What is your life's philosophy? What do you want to do when you grow up? What is your calling? Do you journal? How are you growing?
What is philosophy exactly? Per dictionary.com it's "A system of principles for guidance in practical affairs." So in life and weight loss you have to have a plan, if you don't have a plan then you really don't have much.
My current life philosophy is to always give thanks to the one that deserves it the most! Things don't happen by accident and I don't believe in luck. I believe in blessings. Everything happens for a reason it's how you react to it is what will determine the outcome. It might be an immediate reaction or it might be something that takes years. I can think of so many things that have happened in my life that I wanted so bad and when they didn't turn out the way I thought it should then I was upset and now standing here today and reflecting back I'm so thankful that those desired events didn't happen. I'm so thankful for the pain I endured to get to where I am today and you know what....I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. I haven't reached an 1/8 of my potential. I can't imagine the blessings that will be poured over me and my family when I truly live by my life's philosophy.
What is your calling? For me..My calling is to serve. I love to serve others. Sure I'm selfish and I want to have it all but in the process I want to touch as many hearts and lives that I can in all my actions not just in fitness and weight loss. As many of you know I have a little side business that I run where I go and pamper busy women! There is nothing that gives me greater joy then to go into a woman's home and pamper and spoil them. You need the time for yourself and you deserve it! Best of all I bring all the treatments and it's FREE!! This isn't a sales pitch honestly but I'm just opening up a little about how I love to serve others and how by me providing service to you deeply feeds my soul and answers my calling.
I have had so many people come up to me and tell me how much they love my blog and that they never comment but read it and that they check to see if I've written anything new. That means so much to me. I'm so inspired by others who truly love and live life. We have to little time on this earth to be negative. If you want something it is your job to go out and get it and if you don't go out there and get it then you don't have anything to complain about. Now I'm not saying you never should be frustrated but take that frustration and say to yourself how can I turn this into a positive, what have I learned from this?
How are you growing? Well in my case I'm shrinking but that is only on the outside. On the inside I'm growing by the minute. Really focused on the end goal and the small goals in getting to the end. Honestly there is no end. I saw picture not long ago that said "Train like there is no finish line." Simple as that...train as if there is no finish line.
So with that for now I leave you with....Get out there and train like there is no finish line...not just in fitness and weight loss but in your own life and your own personal growth and development.
Step 1: MINDSET. What is your life's philosophy? What do you want to do when you grow up? What is your calling? Do you journal? How are you growing?
What is philosophy exactly? Per dictionary.com it's "A system of principles for guidance in practical affairs." So in life and weight loss you have to have a plan, if you don't have a plan then you really don't have much.
My current life philosophy is to always give thanks to the one that deserves it the most! Things don't happen by accident and I don't believe in luck. I believe in blessings. Everything happens for a reason it's how you react to it is what will determine the outcome. It might be an immediate reaction or it might be something that takes years. I can think of so many things that have happened in my life that I wanted so bad and when they didn't turn out the way I thought it should then I was upset and now standing here today and reflecting back I'm so thankful that those desired events didn't happen. I'm so thankful for the pain I endured to get to where I am today and you know what....I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. I haven't reached an 1/8 of my potential. I can't imagine the blessings that will be poured over me and my family when I truly live by my life's philosophy.
What is your calling? For me..My calling is to serve. I love to serve others. Sure I'm selfish and I want to have it all but in the process I want to touch as many hearts and lives that I can in all my actions not just in fitness and weight loss. As many of you know I have a little side business that I run where I go and pamper busy women! There is nothing that gives me greater joy then to go into a woman's home and pamper and spoil them. You need the time for yourself and you deserve it! Best of all I bring all the treatments and it's FREE!! This isn't a sales pitch honestly but I'm just opening up a little about how I love to serve others and how by me providing service to you deeply feeds my soul and answers my calling.
I have had so many people come up to me and tell me how much they love my blog and that they never comment but read it and that they check to see if I've written anything new. That means so much to me. I'm so inspired by others who truly love and live life. We have to little time on this earth to be negative. If you want something it is your job to go out and get it and if you don't go out there and get it then you don't have anything to complain about. Now I'm not saying you never should be frustrated but take that frustration and say to yourself how can I turn this into a positive, what have I learned from this?
How are you growing? Well in my case I'm shrinking but that is only on the outside. On the inside I'm growing by the minute. Really focused on the end goal and the small goals in getting to the end. Honestly there is no end. I saw picture not long ago that said "Train like there is no finish line." Simple as that...train as if there is no finish line.
So with that for now I leave you with....Get out there and train like there is no finish line...not just in fitness and weight loss but in your own life and your own personal growth and development.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Motivation (the title doesn’t tell the story)
WARNING: This is not going to be a shiny, happy, pretty blog post
What motivates you? For me I would always say it was my family that motivated me, my friends who have been successful in their fitness and weight loss journeys, great sayings with pretty fit women posing their hot rock hard bodies telling us to “Just do it”, a community of like minded people doing what you’re doing in life and succeeding (for example, SparkPeople, dailymile and facebook groups). All of these are great tools to help one stay motivated and they have helped me.
I’m no longer motivated but I’m on FIRE! You want to know what has put a fire under my butt…HATERS! Until recently I’ve NEVER experienced what it was like to truly have someone bash me for trying to be the best that I can be for myself, my husband and my kids.
Back story quick…As you know my 6 year old is on the high end of the autism spectrum and was diagnosed when he was 3 years old (his official Dx is PDD-NOS and he has been and still at times can be very physically aggressive because his expressive language is delayed) and we’ve done all we can do and will always do all we can do to make him the best child he can be. Recently I was told by someone this: “Jack (my son) won't behave is because you spend time on so many things, marathons, magazine competitions, holistic therapies, while never being trained by a professional behavior specialist (we've been seeing trained professionals since he was 3) on how to care for your child. You were told by multiple people to get Jack evaluated and get services from the day he was diagnosed and you waited ...what...2...3 years while you, your children, and children of others got beat up (Jack has received services since he was Dx, not stated funded services until very recently...read below for that update).” When I first read that I thought OMG how can anyone say such hateful things to me and I felt like I wanted to die and in true Tiffany Lehman fashion cried like a baby, full on cry, not being able to breathe cry, shoulders moving up and down, belting out weird noises cry, face red and headache cry…you get the picture. I felt guilty for trying to better myself so I can be better for Andy, Anna, Jack, other family members, friends, God, work, etc. I spent a lot of time letting that comment really get to me and it hurt to the bottom of my soul.
So now the sadness and anger is over and it’s full on! How dare I let someone more or less tell me I’m a bad parent because I want to get out of the morbidly obese range and be fully present in the lives of those that I love the most and those that need me to show up. How dare I try to make my sons symptoms of autism be treated first and foremost by diet, vitamins, minerals, thearipies, etc before I turn to western medicne. How dare I give this person the time of day because the more time I give this person in my mind means that I care and you know what I DON'T. What I do care about is being the best me I can be, being the best wife I can be, being the best mother I can be, being the best friend I can be, etc, etc, etc. So you know what I say to the haters…BRING IT ON…You will no longer get a second of my time, you have no power over me but I will channel your anger, your bitterness and your venom to push me to be stronger and to do all that I can do for myself, my husband and my kids.
So I guess in the end…Maybe I should thank this person???? We’ll see how the results pan out, with my son, with my journey to be fit, healthy and to continue to be the best wife and mom I can be. I will say to this person thank you for giving me the blazing fire that I need to make sure that I am the best me I can be and we are the best family we can be.
For anyone wondering how Jack is doing right now…Autism is a daily thing and it will never just go away after taking 10 days of medicine like an ear infection. It is here for the long haul but I can report nothing but good news. Jack is doing amazing! He is doing so well in school, he’s bright, he’s communicating his needs and wants much better, he’s getting along well with his teachers and peers and he’s also being really nice to his big sister, Anna. What the teachers tell him to do he’s doing without causing any troubles for them, transactions are easier for him (he struggled going from a desired activity to a non-desired activity, recess to reading). For the last 3 weeks he has been either the class “Super Star” or on green (which means a good day). After years of being on a waiting list for services we are going to get some services for Jack. He/we will get respite care and other services. I’m not all sure what that entails right now but trust me when I say it’s a great thing for him and for us!
I leave you with this!!! The best 3 minutes on the internet!!!
What motivates you? For me I would always say it was my family that motivated me, my friends who have been successful in their fitness and weight loss journeys, great sayings with pretty fit women posing their hot rock hard bodies telling us to “Just do it”, a community of like minded people doing what you’re doing in life and succeeding (for example, SparkPeople, dailymile and facebook groups). All of these are great tools to help one stay motivated and they have helped me.
I’m no longer motivated but I’m on FIRE! You want to know what has put a fire under my butt…HATERS! Until recently I’ve NEVER experienced what it was like to truly have someone bash me for trying to be the best that I can be for myself, my husband and my kids.
Back story quick…As you know my 6 year old is on the high end of the autism spectrum and was diagnosed when he was 3 years old (his official Dx is PDD-NOS and he has been and still at times can be very physically aggressive because his expressive language is delayed) and we’ve done all we can do and will always do all we can do to make him the best child he can be. Recently I was told by someone this: “Jack (my son) won't behave is because you spend time on so many things, marathons, magazine competitions, holistic therapies, while never being trained by a professional behavior specialist (we've been seeing trained professionals since he was 3) on how to care for your child. You were told by multiple people to get Jack evaluated and get services from the day he was diagnosed and you waited ...what...2...3 years while you, your children, and children of others got beat up (Jack has received services since he was Dx, not stated funded services until very recently...read below for that update).” When I first read that I thought OMG how can anyone say such hateful things to me and I felt like I wanted to die and in true Tiffany Lehman fashion cried like a baby, full on cry, not being able to breathe cry, shoulders moving up and down, belting out weird noises cry, face red and headache cry…you get the picture. I felt guilty for trying to better myself so I can be better for Andy, Anna, Jack, other family members, friends, God, work, etc. I spent a lot of time letting that comment really get to me and it hurt to the bottom of my soul.
So now the sadness and anger is over and it’s full on! How dare I let someone more or less tell me I’m a bad parent because I want to get out of the morbidly obese range and be fully present in the lives of those that I love the most and those that need me to show up. How dare I try to make my sons symptoms of autism be treated first and foremost by diet, vitamins, minerals, thearipies, etc before I turn to western medicne. How dare I give this person the time of day because the more time I give this person in my mind means that I care and you know what I DON'T. What I do care about is being the best me I can be, being the best wife I can be, being the best mother I can be, being the best friend I can be, etc, etc, etc. So you know what I say to the haters…BRING IT ON…You will no longer get a second of my time, you have no power over me but I will channel your anger, your bitterness and your venom to push me to be stronger and to do all that I can do for myself, my husband and my kids.
So I guess in the end…Maybe I should thank this person???? We’ll see how the results pan out, with my son, with my journey to be fit, healthy and to continue to be the best wife and mom I can be. I will say to this person thank you for giving me the blazing fire that I need to make sure that I am the best me I can be and we are the best family we can be.
For anyone wondering how Jack is doing right now…Autism is a daily thing and it will never just go away after taking 10 days of medicine like an ear infection. It is here for the long haul but I can report nothing but good news. Jack is doing amazing! He is doing so well in school, he’s bright, he’s communicating his needs and wants much better, he’s getting along well with his teachers and peers and he’s also being really nice to his big sister, Anna. What the teachers tell him to do he’s doing without causing any troubles for them, transactions are easier for him (he struggled going from a desired activity to a non-desired activity, recess to reading). For the last 3 weeks he has been either the class “Super Star” or on green (which means a good day). After years of being on a waiting list for services we are going to get some services for Jack. He/we will get respite care and other services. I’m not all sure what that entails right now but trust me when I say it’s a great thing for him and for us!
I leave you with this!!! The best 3 minutes on the internet!!!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Ode to my sweet Andy
Oh Andy how do I love thee...let me count the ways.
I just wanted to take a minute to write a blog about my precious husband. I love him more today than I did the day I said "I do". I've known he was the one by the time we went out on our 2nd date, New Years Eve 1996. His face is so sweet, round, nice, happy, caring and his eyes twinkle. He's my gentle giant with hands that are so soft and sweet but equally big and strong. He has amazing wisdom and and even better sense of humor. He's crazy smart not only in books but in life. He is such an amazing cook (Mom, you were right I needed a man that can cook and thank God I found him). What he loves he is so passionate about. He's simple and doesn't require much and his life is an act of service. He is always serving others before himself. He is devoted to God, me, to our kids, the family outside our 4 walls, friends and would do anything to help in times of need.
We've been married for 13 years together for almost 15. We have had many more ups than downs but the times in the down is when we've become stronger. When the love isn't about romance and flowers but trust and respect. To know you can trust a single person with everything and to know that no matter what he will always be there loving me unconditionally. That is powerful.
Andy has been and is my rock...You are my shelter, my best friend, my comic, my personal weather man and you're all mine. You're stuck with me until we are parted by death.
Thank you Andy for giving me the freedom to do what I want, for letting me be bossy only to realize that really I should have listened more to you and for not throwing it my face when really I deserved it. Thank you for your constant and un-wavering support in all that makes me passionate about my life, our lives and our kids' lives.
Thank you for giving me you... I love you, then, now, forever and always!
I heard this song today for the first time and it touched my soul.
I love you and I thank God for you every day...Thank you for being mine!
I just wanted to take a minute to write a blog about my precious husband. I love him more today than I did the day I said "I do". I've known he was the one by the time we went out on our 2nd date, New Years Eve 1996. His face is so sweet, round, nice, happy, caring and his eyes twinkle. He's my gentle giant with hands that are so soft and sweet but equally big and strong. He has amazing wisdom and and even better sense of humor. He's crazy smart not only in books but in life. He is such an amazing cook (Mom, you were right I needed a man that can cook and thank God I found him). What he loves he is so passionate about. He's simple and doesn't require much and his life is an act of service. He is always serving others before himself. He is devoted to God, me, to our kids, the family outside our 4 walls, friends and would do anything to help in times of need.
We've been married for 13 years together for almost 15. We have had many more ups than downs but the times in the down is when we've become stronger. When the love isn't about romance and flowers but trust and respect. To know you can trust a single person with everything and to know that no matter what he will always be there loving me unconditionally. That is powerful.
Andy has been and is my rock...You are my shelter, my best friend, my comic, my personal weather man and you're all mine. You're stuck with me until we are parted by death.
Thank you Andy for giving me the freedom to do what I want, for letting me be bossy only to realize that really I should have listened more to you and for not throwing it my face when really I deserved it. Thank you for your constant and un-wavering support in all that makes me passionate about my life, our lives and our kids' lives.
Thank you for giving me you... I love you, then, now, forever and always!
I heard this song today for the first time and it touched my soul.
I love you and I thank God for you every day...Thank you for being mine!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
39...The Year of ME
I'm very proud to say that I'm 39. I don't hide behind my age I get better with age. I'm like a fine red wine, I get better with age. OK so enough of me and my obnoxious self.
At first when I set out 2012 it was about what this year was going to do for ME. All month leading up to today it's been about how I'm going to change this and I'm going to change that and I'm going to do it for me. Well today I had such mixed emotions knowing that I really can't just do this for ME. It has to be about others. Today I realized that I want to improve my health, wellness, waistline, and athletic ability for myself but also so that I can be around a long time for my wonderful husband, so we're able to grow old together and have a fun life, watch our kids grow from babies, to toddlers, to school agers, to middle school, to high school, college, first heartbreak, first time they fall in love and when they get married and have their own kids and finally figure out how GENIUS mom and dad truly are (Yes, Tom & Cathy Syferd...you are genius) ...but seriously this is what I want in my life. I don't want to be tired because I am to heavy, I want to be tired because I worked my tail off all day and at the end of the day I truly need rest so I can be strong and serve.
Serving to me is showing others love and showing God's grace and mercy. Serving is taking care of my body so I can serve the way I feel the Lord calling me to serve. I really don't know what this looks like in a year, 2 years, etc but I know God does.
Today while running I was really not having a good run. I really just wanted to kind of mope and fizzle. About half way in I said to myself..come on you can do this....just do it and own it. Then I remembered my good friend, Connie and her husband, Don and how they started their weight loss journey and their passion of running exactly 2 years ago. They have come so far and have gained so much of their lives back this is what I want for myself and for Andy.
I realize that while I take time for myself to work on my health and physical appearance that it's not selfish and it's not just about the year of ME it's about the year of you and how on this journey I hope to serve as many as needed.
Thanks for letting me share this with you and thank you for all the well wishes on my facebook wall, emails, texts, and phone calls. I really like to use my car as a reflection tool and like many I use this time to talk to God. Just talk. I guess you'd say prayer but God wants a personal relationship so I talk and He listens and when I am quiet long enough I hear him whisper and I know when I hear that whisper I really need to listen. I'm so blessed....just beyond measure.
At first when I set out 2012 it was about what this year was going to do for ME. All month leading up to today it's been about how I'm going to change this and I'm going to change that and I'm going to do it for me. Well today I had such mixed emotions knowing that I really can't just do this for ME. It has to be about others. Today I realized that I want to improve my health, wellness, waistline, and athletic ability for myself but also so that I can be around a long time for my wonderful husband, so we're able to grow old together and have a fun life, watch our kids grow from babies, to toddlers, to school agers, to middle school, to high school, college, first heartbreak, first time they fall in love and when they get married and have their own kids and finally figure out how GENIUS mom and dad truly are (Yes, Tom & Cathy Syferd...you are genius) ...but seriously this is what I want in my life. I don't want to be tired because I am to heavy, I want to be tired because I worked my tail off all day and at the end of the day I truly need rest so I can be strong and serve.
Serving to me is showing others love and showing God's grace and mercy. Serving is taking care of my body so I can serve the way I feel the Lord calling me to serve. I really don't know what this looks like in a year, 2 years, etc but I know God does.
Today while running I was really not having a good run. I really just wanted to kind of mope and fizzle. About half way in I said to myself..come on you can do this....just do it and own it. Then I remembered my good friend, Connie and her husband, Don and how they started their weight loss journey and their passion of running exactly 2 years ago. They have come so far and have gained so much of their lives back this is what I want for myself and for Andy.
I realize that while I take time for myself to work on my health and physical appearance that it's not selfish and it's not just about the year of ME it's about the year of you and how on this journey I hope to serve as many as needed.
Thanks for letting me share this with you and thank you for all the well wishes on my facebook wall, emails, texts, and phone calls. I really like to use my car as a reflection tool and like many I use this time to talk to God. Just talk. I guess you'd say prayer but God wants a personal relationship so I talk and He listens and when I am quiet long enough I hear him whisper and I know when I hear that whisper I really need to listen. I'm so blessed....just beyond measure.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy New Year!!
Hello...I haven't seen you here in a while. What happened to you?
I am so proud of achieving my goal of completing my half marathon last October. What I failed to do after doing that was to right away have other events in line to train for and to help stay on focus. I experienced the post race blues. The week after the half I was in so much pain there was no way I could work out in the least. Then I would go to the gym and the pats on the back and way to go's wore off and so did my spirit for running and really for any kind of fitness or weight loss because let's face it...this skinny girl is still trapped in a fat body.
I won't bore you with excuses of why I didn't work out, why I didn't eat right, why I gain 15 pounds from the half to 12/26/11 when I decided that was it. I'm DONE. Funny how life comes and goes. Christmas comes and goes...you have the parties, the food, the wine, cookies, etc and life is just bliss but when it's all over and you're lying in bed on Christmas night reflecting on how you're so thankful for all you have and what events transpired to give us Christmas and as the house is quiet and things are scattered the tired sits in and you start to reflect...man I fell really fat. I need to get on the scale tomorrow morning and just see the damage and re-start and re-focus.
Side Note here: Don't you love the idea of a new year? Maybe I'm just corny that way and if so...I really don't care but I love the thought of a new year. You get to start fresh and new. My daughter has been sick this last weekend and I was home with her today and watching the Today Show on NBC and there was a woman on the show talking about willpower and how we all have it but we have to train it. It's just like training for a race...You don't just say I'm going to run 13.1 miles and do it tomorrow, it takes time to be able to build up to the point of being able to do that race and it takes willpower. We have to flex our willpower muscles. I thought that was just a brilliant idea!
The morning of 12/26/11 I get on the scale and see the dreaded number and think holy Sh*t what have I done!?!?!?! The past me would have started crying and internalized telling myself how much of a failure I was and how sure I did this half marathon thing but you didn't "run it" you're not a real runner you had to walk more than half of the race, blah, blah, blah ....self hate, self hate, self hate.... Rather than do all that I said this is it I'm taking myself back. NO MORE EXCUSES. I told Andy, my husband, the number on the scale and I said I'm not telling you this for pitty or for you to coddle me and try to fix it but I'm telling you so you know where I'm starting and you can help hold me accountable the way I'm going to hold you accountable. I came to the realization that I either do it or I don't and you know what if I don't I'm only hurting yourself and those that love me the most. Since December 26th I've worked out daily. I've ran 6 miles total and I've worked out (non-running) for a total of 110 minutes.
So my plans for 2012 are to train like there is no finish line. Life is a daily race and I have to endure it and finish it. I am hoping to have an event planned for every month in 2012 so that I can stay focused on the event and know what is coming and know what I have to train for physically and mentally. January I'm going to train like no other. I'm going to kick my own A$% in the gym (by the way my gym got a rowing machine...I can not wait to kill that thing), The annual red flannel run is on Feb 11th, American Lung Association's Fight For Air Climb is in March. This will be my 3rd year doing this climb. April, Loop the Lake, May..Not sure...June Dam to Dam and I want to do the 20K, July, August and September not sure but October RUN (not walk at all) The Des Moines Marathon (for me the half).
To help aid in my weight loss I'm currently doing an online challenge on SparkPeople doing the January Jump Start and that combines strength and cardio together. I will win the iPad 2 as the grand prize (yea right but a girl can dream can't she??), In February the gym I'm a member of is starting a Kosama type work out program and I'm going to join that and of course run as well.
So that is where I've been and where I'm going. I have claimed 2012 to be MY year! I will be 39 years old on January 17th and I will not go into my 40's being obese. So bye bye you great little girl who is almost 39 and chubby and here's to 40 and fabulous!!! I can't wait to see how 2012 unfolds.
I am so proud of achieving my goal of completing my half marathon last October. What I failed to do after doing that was to right away have other events in line to train for and to help stay on focus. I experienced the post race blues. The week after the half I was in so much pain there was no way I could work out in the least. Then I would go to the gym and the pats on the back and way to go's wore off and so did my spirit for running and really for any kind of fitness or weight loss because let's face it...this skinny girl is still trapped in a fat body.
I won't bore you with excuses of why I didn't work out, why I didn't eat right, why I gain 15 pounds from the half to 12/26/11 when I decided that was it. I'm DONE. Funny how life comes and goes. Christmas comes and goes...you have the parties, the food, the wine, cookies, etc and life is just bliss but when it's all over and you're lying in bed on Christmas night reflecting on how you're so thankful for all you have and what events transpired to give us Christmas and as the house is quiet and things are scattered the tired sits in and you start to reflect...man I fell really fat. I need to get on the scale tomorrow morning and just see the damage and re-start and re-focus.
Side Note here: Don't you love the idea of a new year? Maybe I'm just corny that way and if so...I really don't care but I love the thought of a new year. You get to start fresh and new. My daughter has been sick this last weekend and I was home with her today and watching the Today Show on NBC and there was a woman on the show talking about willpower and how we all have it but we have to train it. It's just like training for a race...You don't just say I'm going to run 13.1 miles and do it tomorrow, it takes time to be able to build up to the point of being able to do that race and it takes willpower. We have to flex our willpower muscles. I thought that was just a brilliant idea!
The morning of 12/26/11 I get on the scale and see the dreaded number and think holy Sh*t what have I done!?!?!?! The past me would have started crying and internalized telling myself how much of a failure I was and how sure I did this half marathon thing but you didn't "run it" you're not a real runner you had to walk more than half of the race, blah, blah, blah ....self hate, self hate, self hate.... Rather than do all that I said this is it I'm taking myself back. NO MORE EXCUSES. I told Andy, my husband, the number on the scale and I said I'm not telling you this for pitty or for you to coddle me and try to fix it but I'm telling you so you know where I'm starting and you can help hold me accountable the way I'm going to hold you accountable. I came to the realization that I either do it or I don't and you know what if I don't I'm only hurting yourself and those that love me the most. Since December 26th I've worked out daily. I've ran 6 miles total and I've worked out (non-running) for a total of 110 minutes.
So my plans for 2012 are to train like there is no finish line. Life is a daily race and I have to endure it and finish it. I am hoping to have an event planned for every month in 2012 so that I can stay focused on the event and know what is coming and know what I have to train for physically and mentally. January I'm going to train like no other. I'm going to kick my own A$% in the gym (by the way my gym got a rowing machine...I can not wait to kill that thing), The annual red flannel run is on Feb 11th, American Lung Association's Fight For Air Climb is in March. This will be my 3rd year doing this climb. April, Loop the Lake, May..Not sure...June Dam to Dam and I want to do the 20K, July, August and September not sure but October RUN (not walk at all) The Des Moines Marathon (for me the half).
To help aid in my weight loss I'm currently doing an online challenge on SparkPeople doing the January Jump Start and that combines strength and cardio together. I will win the iPad 2 as the grand prize (yea right but a girl can dream can't she??), In February the gym I'm a member of is starting a Kosama type work out program and I'm going to join that and of course run as well.
So that is where I've been and where I'm going. I have claimed 2012 to be MY year! I will be 39 years old on January 17th and I will not go into my 40's being obese. So bye bye you great little girl who is almost 39 and chubby and here's to 40 and fabulous!!! I can't wait to see how 2012 unfolds.
Monday, October 24, 2011
One Week Post 13.1 Miles
One week ago today I was almost in tears due to the amount of pain I was in due to the run/walk I did the day before. If some one would have said you're going to be so sore you will not sleep the night you finished your race and the next day hardly be able to walk chances are I would have said thanks but I guess this isn't for me. Sunday night my feet hurt so bad it felt like some one was stabbing me with a knife in the bottom of my feet. I would drift off to sleep only to feel the jab in the bottom of my feet. I was in so much pain there was no amount of Advil to take the pain away and I had to move from my bed to the couch so I wouldn't deprive Andy, my husband, of the sleep he needed to get the week off and going.
Monday I get up to get ready for work and it's all I can do to move. The pain is so bad in my butt, legs, hamstrings, and feet that I'm in tears. Not crying but just tears due to pain. It literally takes me 15 minutes to walk from my car in the parking lot at work to my desk (usually it's about a 3 minute walk from the car to my desk). I see my buddy at work and she tells me congrats, asks me how it went, and I start crying just like I did the day before. The flood of emotions just came over me again.
Monday morning as the day goes on I think, never again will I endure a half marathon let alone a full marathon who am I kidding thinking I'm cut out for this. So Monday comes and goes. Tuesday still in a lot of pain and I find out from a co-work who is also a track coach that the soles of my feet are probably having an allergic reaction due to being in the shoes for 4 hours, pounding pavement, sweating, etc. She gave me a helpful hint that if you're going on a really long run to spray your feet with deodorant, spray the inside of your shoes too. This will help your feet not to sweat hence no itchy, stabbing feelings on the bottom of your soles. Wednesday I'm still sore but moving around a lot better. I take my little foam roller into work and use that as my foot rest and while working just roll my feet up and down the roller, stretching out my legs. Thursday I'm about 95% back to normal and I think I so can do this again. I can't wait to do another half marathon and I'm back to thinking I can maybe, just maybe do a full marathon when I'm 40 (2 years from now). Thursday I go for a brisk walk and do about 2 miles in 30 minutes. Friday feeling 100%, the day was PERFECT and I was kicking myself for not bringing my running clothes to work so I could go for a run during lunch. I planned on walking but then work got crazy busy and no walking for me.
Over the weekend I thought what is my next goal? Because I'm the person that if I don't have something I'm working towards it can quickly fizzle out. So my new goal is to increase my speed and run at a faster speed for longer periods of time. Keep in mind I'm short and stocky...as my dad likes to say "Us Syferd's are built low to the ground and for endurance" (LOL). I'm 5' 3" and in the past the fastest I could run was about 4mph. Starting today I re-started the couch to 5K program and rather than just trying to run I'm going to run from 5.5mph to 5mph and walk at 3.5mph when the man on the iPod says in his monotone voice "WALK". So today was my first day of this program and it felt so good. I got nasty pig sweaty gross. I think I left a pound of sweat on the treadmill. I love it!!! There is really nothing better than just getting sick sweaty!! Most read this and think ewww gross but there are a few that I know will say awww *beep* ya...I love it too!!!
On the days I'm not running I'm going to be focusing on strength. Strength training and core training is something I neglected in preparing for the race so I'm going to be doing that.
So here's to one goal down and many more to go!!!
Monday I get up to get ready for work and it's all I can do to move. The pain is so bad in my butt, legs, hamstrings, and feet that I'm in tears. Not crying but just tears due to pain. It literally takes me 15 minutes to walk from my car in the parking lot at work to my desk (usually it's about a 3 minute walk from the car to my desk). I see my buddy at work and she tells me congrats, asks me how it went, and I start crying just like I did the day before. The flood of emotions just came over me again.
Monday morning as the day goes on I think, never again will I endure a half marathon let alone a full marathon who am I kidding thinking I'm cut out for this. So Monday comes and goes. Tuesday still in a lot of pain and I find out from a co-work who is also a track coach that the soles of my feet are probably having an allergic reaction due to being in the shoes for 4 hours, pounding pavement, sweating, etc. She gave me a helpful hint that if you're going on a really long run to spray your feet with deodorant, spray the inside of your shoes too. This will help your feet not to sweat hence no itchy, stabbing feelings on the bottom of your soles. Wednesday I'm still sore but moving around a lot better. I take my little foam roller into work and use that as my foot rest and while working just roll my feet up and down the roller, stretching out my legs. Thursday I'm about 95% back to normal and I think I so can do this again. I can't wait to do another half marathon and I'm back to thinking I can maybe, just maybe do a full marathon when I'm 40 (2 years from now). Thursday I go for a brisk walk and do about 2 miles in 30 minutes. Friday feeling 100%, the day was PERFECT and I was kicking myself for not bringing my running clothes to work so I could go for a run during lunch. I planned on walking but then work got crazy busy and no walking for me.
Over the weekend I thought what is my next goal? Because I'm the person that if I don't have something I'm working towards it can quickly fizzle out. So my new goal is to increase my speed and run at a faster speed for longer periods of time. Keep in mind I'm short and stocky...as my dad likes to say "Us Syferd's are built low to the ground and for endurance" (LOL). I'm 5' 3" and in the past the fastest I could run was about 4mph. Starting today I re-started the couch to 5K program and rather than just trying to run I'm going to run from 5.5mph to 5mph and walk at 3.5mph when the man on the iPod says in his monotone voice "WALK". So today was my first day of this program and it felt so good. I got nasty pig sweaty gross. I think I left a pound of sweat on the treadmill. I love it!!! There is really nothing better than just getting sick sweaty!! Most read this and think ewww gross but there are a few that I know will say awww *beep* ya...I love it too!!!
On the days I'm not running I'm going to be focusing on strength. Strength training and core training is something I neglected in preparing for the race so I'm going to be doing that.
So here's to one goal down and many more to go!!!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
I DID IT!!!!! 13.1 DONE!!! 4:01:39
I did it....OMG just amazing. I just couldn't ask for a better day and a better race. The day started very early, we were out the door by 6:45am. Andy and the kids said farewell after they dropped me off and headed to their destination where they would see me at mile 4 and 8. Shockingly I was very calm the entire morning before the race. In every race I've done before (which I've only been able to do 5K's before today) I was a ball of nerves and just so emotional.
7am until the start of the race I spent with my friend Becky and met some new friends as well. I tell ya runners are the nicest group of people. We are all one another's biggest fans. I was starting to get a little nervous but not to bad. I had to use the ladies room 3 times before the gun went off. Before the race began they played Jimi Hendrix's version of the National Anthem. Instantly I thought why didn't I think to download that to my iPod. The gun goes off and it takes 6 minutes to get from where I was to the start line. Cross the start line and it starts to sort of break up and who do I see....Daniel from the Biggest Loser season 8. I said to him Daniel so good to see you do you mind if I run with you for a little bit. He was the sweetest kid (I can say that because I'm 38 and he's way younger than me LOL). We ran together for about a half mile. Awesome!!! He really is just so wonderful!!!
Mile 4 I see my husband, kids, mom and brother in law and instantly I'm balling...Hello it's me we're talking about, the BIGGEST cry baby EVER! I run off the side to give them all kisses, hugs, high 5's. After I saw them I kind of teamed up with a gal who speed walks half marathon's. She just did one 2 weeks ago in the Quad Cities and it was super hilly I guess. She said she still had blisters on her feet. Around mile 6 my hands are so swollen and I notice the bottom of my feet starting to hurt. I walked probably close to a half mile. Prior to that I was running 8 minutes walking 3. Here comes mile 8 and I've looped around the lake and back to where I was at mile 4 where I saw my family. My husband and kids were still there of course, along with my mom and now my dad was there and he had his video camera. I can't wait to see his video! Again I'm sobbing and run off telling them I loved them, thank you and I'll see them at the finish line.
Oh I forgot around mile 4 here comes the Elite runners. I'm on mile 4 and he's on mile I think 20 for his marathon....Over achiever (HA)! He was being escorted by a police motorcycle team. It was the coolest thing to see. My mom said he was ear to ear smile. It was so awesome to be lapped by the Elite!!
By 3 hours into the race my Nike+ sensor was like yea, thanks for playing but I'm done. HA! Miles 8-11 were tough. Lots of walking in these miles. The soles of my feet were killing me. Nothing else just my feet. Note to self...NEVER wear new socks you've not ran in before the day of a half marathon. So I'm truckin' along and running and walking and marathon runners are coming down on miles 24 and 25 and they are starting to hurt. My heart just went out to them but I'm also thinking WOW you are just amazing. What endurance you have to have to run that long. I'm truly in awe of those that do run the 26.2 miles. Some day I might just join you! So I'm running along and the marathon runners who are passing me are cheering me on. It was awesome. It was so uplifting and just what I needed to make it to the finish.
I'm coming down the last turn and I see my dad with his video camera with my son and again I..... you guess..HA. Yes I cry. I say come on Jack want to run with mom a little bit. Of course he's on it like white on rice and grabs me by the hand and wants me to go in an all out sprint. I was like whoa buddy mommy can't go that fast right now. He had a hold of my hand, I'm crying, he then goes back to my dad and her comes this woman whom I've never met before named Krista. She's already finished and she grabs me by the hand because she can see how emotional I am. Of course the crowd at this point is roaring and I'm just overwhelmed with emotions. She says you're doing awesome. You're doing it, wait until you finish you're going to feel like a million bucks. Then we have some talk and coming down the barricades into the finish she lets me go. She said, "there you go, finish it, finish strong, you're amazing" and she lets me go.
I did it!!! I crossed the finish line, I got my metal!! I'm just in awe. Truly in awe. I did it!! I did it!!! I still feel like that was all a dream and really this race isn't happening until next Sunday and today was a dream. Everyone was there to give me hugs, kisses and words of encouragement it couldn't have been more amazing.
I have to tell you that honestly all of you that have supported me were there. It's because of you I was able to finish this. In the times where it was the toughest your good thoughts and your support got me to the finish line.
I can't wait to do this again...Not sure if this time is official but according to my text alert my final time was 4 hours 1 minute and 39 seconds.
7am until the start of the race I spent with my friend Becky and met some new friends as well. I tell ya runners are the nicest group of people. We are all one another's biggest fans. I was starting to get a little nervous but not to bad. I had to use the ladies room 3 times before the gun went off. Before the race began they played Jimi Hendrix's version of the National Anthem. Instantly I thought why didn't I think to download that to my iPod. The gun goes off and it takes 6 minutes to get from where I was to the start line. Cross the start line and it starts to sort of break up and who do I see....Daniel from the Biggest Loser season 8. I said to him Daniel so good to see you do you mind if I run with you for a little bit. He was the sweetest kid (I can say that because I'm 38 and he's way younger than me LOL). We ran together for about a half mile. Awesome!!! He really is just so wonderful!!!
Mile 4 I see my husband, kids, mom and brother in law and instantly I'm balling...Hello it's me we're talking about, the BIGGEST cry baby EVER! I run off the side to give them all kisses, hugs, high 5's. After I saw them I kind of teamed up with a gal who speed walks half marathon's. She just did one 2 weeks ago in the Quad Cities and it was super hilly I guess. She said she still had blisters on her feet. Around mile 6 my hands are so swollen and I notice the bottom of my feet starting to hurt. I walked probably close to a half mile. Prior to that I was running 8 minutes walking 3. Here comes mile 8 and I've looped around the lake and back to where I was at mile 4 where I saw my family. My husband and kids were still there of course, along with my mom and now my dad was there and he had his video camera. I can't wait to see his video! Again I'm sobbing and run off telling them I loved them, thank you and I'll see them at the finish line.
Oh I forgot around mile 4 here comes the Elite runners. I'm on mile 4 and he's on mile I think 20 for his marathon....Over achiever (HA)! He was being escorted by a police motorcycle team. It was the coolest thing to see. My mom said he was ear to ear smile. It was so awesome to be lapped by the Elite!!
By 3 hours into the race my Nike+ sensor was like yea, thanks for playing but I'm done. HA! Miles 8-11 were tough. Lots of walking in these miles. The soles of my feet were killing me. Nothing else just my feet. Note to self...NEVER wear new socks you've not ran in before the day of a half marathon. So I'm truckin' along and running and walking and marathon runners are coming down on miles 24 and 25 and they are starting to hurt. My heart just went out to them but I'm also thinking WOW you are just amazing. What endurance you have to have to run that long. I'm truly in awe of those that do run the 26.2 miles. Some day I might just join you! So I'm running along and the marathon runners who are passing me are cheering me on. It was awesome. It was so uplifting and just what I needed to make it to the finish.
I'm coming down the last turn and I see my dad with his video camera with my son and again I..... you guess..HA. Yes I cry. I say come on Jack want to run with mom a little bit. Of course he's on it like white on rice and grabs me by the hand and wants me to go in an all out sprint. I was like whoa buddy mommy can't go that fast right now. He had a hold of my hand, I'm crying, he then goes back to my dad and her comes this woman whom I've never met before named Krista. She's already finished and she grabs me by the hand because she can see how emotional I am. Of course the crowd at this point is roaring and I'm just overwhelmed with emotions. She says you're doing awesome. You're doing it, wait until you finish you're going to feel like a million bucks. Then we have some talk and coming down the barricades into the finish she lets me go. She said, "there you go, finish it, finish strong, you're amazing" and she lets me go.
I did it!!! I crossed the finish line, I got my metal!! I'm just in awe. Truly in awe. I did it!! I did it!!! I still feel like that was all a dream and really this race isn't happening until next Sunday and today was a dream. Everyone was there to give me hugs, kisses and words of encouragement it couldn't have been more amazing.
I have to tell you that honestly all of you that have supported me were there. It's because of you I was able to finish this. In the times where it was the toughest your good thoughts and your support got me to the finish line.
I can't wait to do this again...Not sure if this time is official but according to my text alert my final time was 4 hours 1 minute and 39 seconds.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
24 hours from right now....
I will have completed my first half marathon. As I look back over this last year I'm just in awe. I can not believe that one short year ago I was a volunteer taking off the runners timing chips and giving them their metals as they crossed the finish line. I remember seeing some people just come in ear to ear grin, some come in with pure agony and pain, some with tears streaming down their faces, some very stoic because this is what they do for a living. It's endless...
I'm telling you anyone can do this and if you don't think you can I dare you to try. Prove to yourself that you are a failure and that you can't do this and then realize about 3 weeks into training the light goes on and you say you know what..I can do this!!! Prove yourself wrong. Anyone starting out I urge you to start with the Couch to 5K program. That is the BEST way to start and avoid injury and then build from there.
I can't believe how much I've grown personally. I'm not nearly as thin as I'd like to be but you know what this is a life and my metobalism stinks but you know what I will get to my goals. I'm reaching for the stars and you know what while I'm not hitting the stars right now, I am on top of the world.
I want to end with thank you...Thank you to everyone for all your support, words, thoughts, prayers, etc. Really I feel as if I'm cheating you with just a simple thank you but that really is all there is. I'm humbled by the support. Truly, my heart is so full of sheer joy and it's because of you!
So for now I bid you farewell, I'm off to sleep, wake up at 5:15am, shower, get all dolled up to sweat it all off, eat some oatmeal, have a cup of coffee, stretch, start and finish my first half marathon.
I'm telling you anyone can do this and if you don't think you can I dare you to try. Prove to yourself that you are a failure and that you can't do this and then realize about 3 weeks into training the light goes on and you say you know what..I can do this!!! Prove yourself wrong. Anyone starting out I urge you to start with the Couch to 5K program. That is the BEST way to start and avoid injury and then build from there.
I can't believe how much I've grown personally. I'm not nearly as thin as I'd like to be but you know what this is a life and my metobalism stinks but you know what I will get to my goals. I'm reaching for the stars and you know what while I'm not hitting the stars right now, I am on top of the world.
I want to end with thank you...Thank you to everyone for all your support, words, thoughts, prayers, etc. Really I feel as if I'm cheating you with just a simple thank you but that really is all there is. I'm humbled by the support. Truly, my heart is so full of sheer joy and it's because of you!
So for now I bid you farewell, I'm off to sleep, wake up at 5:15am, shower, get all dolled up to sweat it all off, eat some oatmeal, have a cup of coffee, stretch, start and finish my first half marathon.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Hip Hip Horray For The Non-Scale Victories!!!!
Let's face it, I'm doing this blog, sparkpeople, running, healthy eating, etc to lose weight, get healthy, fit and support.
I'm a part of a biggest loser competition on sparkpeople.com and was kind of disappointed that I only lost 1 pound this last week. There is always room for improvement and I wasn't die hard all 7 days but still I thought more than 1 pound should be lost.
So today I head to the gym...I didn't want to go to the gym but I went anyway. My knee is giving me a little bit of a hard time so I decided I was going to do the stationary bike for a half hour just to get my heart rate up and sweat out some frustration.
As I'm on the bike grumbling under my breath I look down at my legs and I think to myself...Dang these old legs are looking pretty good! Then I realize the biggest change of all.
In the past when ever I would ride the stationary bike my stomach fat would move up and down about as fast as my legs. Well there was no stomach jiggle!
So what was a grrrr kind of work out pepped me right up and made me realize that while the scale doesn't tell me what I want it to doesn't mean that I'm not making progress. So hip hip hooray for non-scale victories...What are yours?
I'm a part of a biggest loser competition on sparkpeople.com and was kind of disappointed that I only lost 1 pound this last week. There is always room for improvement and I wasn't die hard all 7 days but still I thought more than 1 pound should be lost.
So today I head to the gym...I didn't want to go to the gym but I went anyway. My knee is giving me a little bit of a hard time so I decided I was going to do the stationary bike for a half hour just to get my heart rate up and sweat out some frustration.
As I'm on the bike grumbling under my breath I look down at my legs and I think to myself...Dang these old legs are looking pretty good! Then I realize the biggest change of all.
In the past when ever I would ride the stationary bike my stomach fat would move up and down about as fast as my legs. Well there was no stomach jiggle!
So what was a grrrr kind of work out pepped me right up and made me realize that while the scale doesn't tell me what I want it to doesn't mean that I'm not making progress. So hip hip hooray for non-scale victories...What are yours?
Monday, October 3, 2011
A Dream Almost Gone
Today I thought my dreams were done. I decided to run to lose weight and prove to myself that I can do this. Sure I'll never be the skinniest or the fastest but I do deserve to be healthy and fit.
October 2010 my friend and I volunteered at the Annual Des Moines Marathon sponsored by the IMT insurance group. I made a commitment to do the half marathon this October.
In April I registered for the half. Today an email comes out saying friends, family, etc can get text messages of how you are doing in your race. So I go to search for myself and I'm not there. I freak out. I call getmeregistered.com and he tells that yes I did register but it wasn't for the race it was for the pasta dinner the night before. He then tells me to call the person who organizes this race. So I get a hold of him and he said he will honor the $50 price (I would swear on my life I paid for this but every financial record from April to now shows that I did not). Right now is not a good time for me/us to shell out $$ for this race. I was sooo upset. I thought everything I've been working for is gone. Yes I know anyone can go out and run 13.1 miles and that there are many other half's I can do but this one is special to me. This one is like my baby. I don't think I can fully describe it but I'm sure you've all had that kind of feeling.
I posted on facebook what happened and how I was crushed and how right now I just can't put out the money to register. One of my dear friends who I've known since we were in 6th grade who, came in and out of my life from middle school to high school, re-connected in college to lose touch again and through facebook have become very close and will never lose the connection, bought and paid for my registration fee into this race. I've always been on the giving end of doing a good thing and paying it forward never on the receiving end. I am so humbled and I have no words to express my gratefulness. I'm just touched by how kind people can be. People truly are a gift. I'm so blessed and so touched and so moved.
October 2010 my friend and I volunteered at the Annual Des Moines Marathon sponsored by the IMT insurance group. I made a commitment to do the half marathon this October.
In April I registered for the half. Today an email comes out saying friends, family, etc can get text messages of how you are doing in your race. So I go to search for myself and I'm not there. I freak out. I call getmeregistered.com and he tells that yes I did register but it wasn't for the race it was for the pasta dinner the night before. He then tells me to call the person who organizes this race. So I get a hold of him and he said he will honor the $50 price (I would swear on my life I paid for this but every financial record from April to now shows that I did not). Right now is not a good time for me/us to shell out $$ for this race. I was sooo upset. I thought everything I've been working for is gone. Yes I know anyone can go out and run 13.1 miles and that there are many other half's I can do but this one is special to me. This one is like my baby. I don't think I can fully describe it but I'm sure you've all had that kind of feeling.
I posted on facebook what happened and how I was crushed and how right now I just can't put out the money to register. One of my dear friends who I've known since we were in 6th grade who, came in and out of my life from middle school to high school, re-connected in college to lose touch again and through facebook have become very close and will never lose the connection, bought and paid for my registration fee into this race. I've always been on the giving end of doing a good thing and paying it forward never on the receiving end. I am so humbled and I have no words to express my gratefulness. I'm just touched by how kind people can be. People truly are a gift. I'm so blessed and so touched and so moved.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
An Ode to My Son, Jack
As I shared earlier this week we had some pretty trying times with our newly 6 year old, Jack.
This last week emotionally was probably one of the hardest in several years. I was so stressed, busy and exhausted. I didn't make time to work out and I've learned that if mama doesn't work out mama's not nice. Bless my husband's heart for still loving me after the emotional basket case I was this last week.
So today...I haven't ran since last Sunday due to the above. Today Andy, my husband, says I want you to run...You NEED to run. Jack pipes up...MOM I want to run with you!! How could I get out of that? Not going to happen. So we go to Church, go grocery shopping for the week and get home. I'm wiped out...I lay on the couch and take about a half hour nap. Jack waking up me a few times saying come on mom we need to go run. I got up, ate a little lunch because I was STARVING and I said, Jack would you mind if we didn't go? Mom's tired and I am just not feeling the best. He has these beautiful huge blue eyes with long eye lashes and he said, mom you promised and I want to go with you..just you and me. I thought come on Tiffany he's just wanting some time with you and how can I tell him it's important to be active, eat right, etc if I'm not living that life.
So off we went. He hopped on his bike that is now officially done. He literally rode the wheels off his bike and it died today. Side story, Jack's bike is his sisters previous bike so it's pink and purple and he rides that thing with pure joy. I told him if anyone gives him grief he needs to say real men aren't afraid of pink (LOL). Jack got on his bike and I started running. He was so sweet to stay with me and not run off (in the past he's run off) and he said things to me like good job mom, your doing a good job running. We went up to his school (only about 4 blocks from our house) and they have a little walking trail and he rode his bike around there while I ran and then there were other kids that showed up so he went and played while I ran around the track. Here comes this guy who had to be in his 20's with a basketball. Jack's 2nd love outside his bike is a basketball. He goes up to this guy like he's his BFF and asks to play with him. So they start shooting hoops. It was so sweet and the young man was so nice to Jack.
So thank you my beautiful son for being my inspiration today for making me get out there and get it done. I love you so much!!!
This last week emotionally was probably one of the hardest in several years. I was so stressed, busy and exhausted. I didn't make time to work out and I've learned that if mama doesn't work out mama's not nice. Bless my husband's heart for still loving me after the emotional basket case I was this last week.
So today...I haven't ran since last Sunday due to the above. Today Andy, my husband, says I want you to run...You NEED to run. Jack pipes up...MOM I want to run with you!! How could I get out of that? Not going to happen. So we go to Church, go grocery shopping for the week and get home. I'm wiped out...I lay on the couch and take about a half hour nap. Jack waking up me a few times saying come on mom we need to go run. I got up, ate a little lunch because I was STARVING and I said, Jack would you mind if we didn't go? Mom's tired and I am just not feeling the best. He has these beautiful huge blue eyes with long eye lashes and he said, mom you promised and I want to go with you..just you and me. I thought come on Tiffany he's just wanting some time with you and how can I tell him it's important to be active, eat right, etc if I'm not living that life.
So off we went. He hopped on his bike that is now officially done. He literally rode the wheels off his bike and it died today. Side story, Jack's bike is his sisters previous bike so it's pink and purple and he rides that thing with pure joy. I told him if anyone gives him grief he needs to say real men aren't afraid of pink (LOL). Jack got on his bike and I started running. He was so sweet to stay with me and not run off (in the past he's run off) and he said things to me like good job mom, your doing a good job running. We went up to his school (only about 4 blocks from our house) and they have a little walking trail and he rode his bike around there while I ran and then there were other kids that showed up so he went and played while I ran around the track. Here comes this guy who had to be in his 20's with a basketball. Jack's 2nd love outside his bike is a basketball. He goes up to this guy like he's his BFF and asks to play with him. So they start shooting hoops. It was so sweet and the young man was so nice to Jack.
So thank you my beautiful son for being my inspiration today for making me get out there and get it done. I love you so much!!!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A follow up if you will....
On Tuesday night I wrote a tough blog about my son and the struggles we've had. I wanted to follow up with positive news and an action plan. This won't really have anything to do with running or weight loss but I wanted to update with good news!
We met with Jack's psycharist last night and it was a very productive visit!
I feel as if 1000 pounds have been lifted off of me. We got there last night at 5:15 and talked until 6:30. His doctor is AMAZING!!!
He pretty much summed Jack up in one word = Perseveration "is the repetition of a particular response, such as a word, phrase, or gesture, despite the absence or cessation of a stimulus, usually caused by brain injury or other organic disorder.[1] If an issue has been fully explored and discussed to a point of resolution, it is not uncommon for something to trigger the reinvestigation of the matter. This can happen at any time during a conversation. This is particularly true with those who have had Traumatic brain injury. Several researchers have tried to connect perseveration with a lack of inhibition; however, this connection could not be found, or was small.[2][3]
Perseveration may also refer to the obsessive and highly selective interests of individuals on the Autism spectrum."
Jack is not like us..."normal" rules do not apply to him and other children with Autism. Everything with him is black or white there is no room for Grey. For example the grocery shopping carts with the cars Jack loves those and he knows they do not go out in the parking lot. That's the rule...We were at Home Depot once and using one of their shopping carts with the Nascar. We had a heavy load and we took it out into the parking lot. He FREAKED OUT. It was unlike any episode I'd seen at the time. So his reaction was to strike against those that broke the rules. Where for us physical violence is not acceptable and it's no big deal that we took the shopping cart with the car out into the parking lot we'll just put it back inside rather than leave it in a corral in the parking lot.
So the action plan... His doctor really feels he needs to be on the waiver for children on the spectrum for state funded services. The services in the state of IA is based on the recipients level of income and assets. Since Jack is 6 he has no income or assets so he'll be covered 100%. What this means he will go on medicade, all of his therapy visits, co-pays, medications will be 100% covered. The waiting list is 2 years long. The way to get around the waiting list is to have an IQ test done and if he doesn't meet a certain IQ level then he'll qualify immediately and we bypass the waiting list. Jack is also on a medication called Namenda. Namenda is marketed for Alzheimer patients and it's in a study to help children with ASD issues. What Namenda does is it takes the brain from firing all different directions all the time to working as one unit all the time. Jack was taking 10 mg 2 times a day and he increased his dosage to 15 mg 2 times a day. This doctor has 99% success rate with this drug in ASD patients. There was a news story on it earlier this year.
The Story from 13/WHO:
http://www.whotv.com/news/who-story-namenda-20110203,0,3693920.story
We met with Jack's psycharist last night and it was a very productive visit!
I feel as if 1000 pounds have been lifted off of me. We got there last night at 5:15 and talked until 6:30. His doctor is AMAZING!!!
He pretty much summed Jack up in one word = Perseveration "is the repetition of a particular response, such as a word, phrase, or gesture, despite the absence or cessation of a stimulus, usually caused by brain injury or other organic disorder.[1] If an issue has been fully explored and discussed to a point of resolution, it is not uncommon for something to trigger the reinvestigation of the matter. This can happen at any time during a conversation. This is particularly true with those who have had Traumatic brain injury. Several researchers have tried to connect perseveration with a lack of inhibition; however, this connection could not be found, or was small.[2][3]
Perseveration may also refer to the obsessive and highly selective interests of individuals on the Autism spectrum."
Jack is not like us..."normal" rules do not apply to him and other children with Autism. Everything with him is black or white there is no room for Grey. For example the grocery shopping carts with the cars Jack loves those and he knows they do not go out in the parking lot. That's the rule...We were at Home Depot once and using one of their shopping carts with the Nascar. We had a heavy load and we took it out into the parking lot. He FREAKED OUT. It was unlike any episode I'd seen at the time. So his reaction was to strike against those that broke the rules. Where for us physical violence is not acceptable and it's no big deal that we took the shopping cart with the car out into the parking lot we'll just put it back inside rather than leave it in a corral in the parking lot.
So the action plan... His doctor really feels he needs to be on the waiver for children on the spectrum for state funded services. The services in the state of IA is based on the recipients level of income and assets. Since Jack is 6 he has no income or assets so he'll be covered 100%. What this means he will go on medicade, all of his therapy visits, co-pays, medications will be 100% covered. The waiting list is 2 years long. The way to get around the waiting list is to have an IQ test done and if he doesn't meet a certain IQ level then he'll qualify immediately and we bypass the waiting list. Jack is also on a medication called Namenda. Namenda is marketed for Alzheimer patients and it's in a study to help children with ASD issues. What Namenda does is it takes the brain from firing all different directions all the time to working as one unit all the time. Jack was taking 10 mg 2 times a day and he increased his dosage to 15 mg 2 times a day. This doctor has 99% success rate with this drug in ASD patients. There was a news story on it earlier this year.
The Story from 13/WHO:
http://www.whotv.com/news/who-story-namenda-20110203,0,3693920.story
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A tough blog to write but feel as if I must share
I don't air out laundry on sparkpeople, facebook, twitter, blogger, etc. However I feel as if I must today. Warning: this might seem un-organized as I am pretty emotional right now but it does have a good ending (well for me any way).
So today was just about like any other normal day. I will confess I was a little hung over today. I haven't had any real time with my sister in WAY to long and needed some TT time so I grabbed my $2.99 bottle of Tisdale Cab and off I went to her house last night and we sipped and talked for way to long but it was so wonderful to have that time with her and her husband!
So on to why I'm writing this blog...Today was just like any "normal" day. Wake up about 10 minutes later than I should and rushing to get to work. I take my gym bag with me because I had planned to run. I had meeting after meeting today and email after email and just couldn't get away so I didn't get to the gym today. Leave at 4:15 to get my kids from daycare, beautiful day outside, thinking about taking the kids for a bike ride (they ride while I run)/run while Andy (husband) makes dinner (he's the chef in our house).
I walk into daycare and one of the best teachers stops me and says to me just wanted to let you know that Jack had a really horrible afternoon it was just sad and I cried.
First a super long story super short...Jack will be 6 on Thursday and he is autistic. His official diagnosis is PDD-NOS. If you don't know what that is join the club and Google it (sorry bad attempt at humor). To say at times he is a handful is like saying a category 5 hurricane did a little property damage. When he's good he's great when he's not good it's down right hellish.
Jack was out on the playground at his daycare. He was playing and for what ever reason he went after a little 4 year old girl who I guess is super sweet, super quiet, would never hurt a fly. Jack claims she pushed him down and that set him off. He bit her 3 times, 2 of the 3 bites left instant bruises, he then got her down on the ground, scratched her face, pinched her cheeks and by the time the teacher was over there to get him off her he had his hands around her neck choking her and this poor girls face was red and she was coughing.
This is not the first time Jack has been violent. He's has made HUGE improvements in the last 3 years but like I said before when it's bad it worse than the person with no children or people who have "normal" kids can ever imagine.
My husband and I have been sobbing all night long. Just so sad that Jack was so upset that he thought it was OK to do this. It's so hard for us to understand because all we do is love on him, get him the best help we can, etc.
I feel so terrible for Jack because he knows what he did was wrong. I told him he was grounded and could not play with my iPod touch or go outside and ride his bike tonight (his 2 favorite things) and I just couldn't hold back the tears in the car and just started to sob in the car on the way home from daycare. Usually he fights us when we take his favorite things away or try to get him to do anything that he doesn't want to do (simple things like clean up your handful of toys from the living room or put your shoes where they belong) and tonight he didn't. He knew what he did was wrong and I saw the sadness in his face. Almost as if he could take it all back he would.
So why does that bring me here...in the past Andy and I would turn to comfort food, wine and/or beer. Tonight we stuck to our menu (93% lean ground turkey breast tacos) and said we'll drink water from wine glasses. We didn't break out the wine glasses but we did chug the water like it was the best bottle of wine we ever had!
I really felt compelled to let every one know that I am real..I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a child of God. I am very busy with life but know that anything in life no matter how hard if you want it bad enough you will endure the bad as well as the good and you (I) will be victorious!!!
So today was just about like any other normal day. I will confess I was a little hung over today. I haven't had any real time with my sister in WAY to long and needed some TT time so I grabbed my $2.99 bottle of Tisdale Cab and off I went to her house last night and we sipped and talked for way to long but it was so wonderful to have that time with her and her husband!
So on to why I'm writing this blog...Today was just like any "normal" day. Wake up about 10 minutes later than I should and rushing to get to work. I take my gym bag with me because I had planned to run. I had meeting after meeting today and email after email and just couldn't get away so I didn't get to the gym today. Leave at 4:15 to get my kids from daycare, beautiful day outside, thinking about taking the kids for a bike ride (they ride while I run)/run while Andy (husband) makes dinner (he's the chef in our house).
I walk into daycare and one of the best teachers stops me and says to me just wanted to let you know that Jack had a really horrible afternoon it was just sad and I cried.
First a super long story super short...Jack will be 6 on Thursday and he is autistic. His official diagnosis is PDD-NOS. If you don't know what that is join the club and Google it (sorry bad attempt at humor). To say at times he is a handful is like saying a category 5 hurricane did a little property damage. When he's good he's great when he's not good it's down right hellish.
Jack was out on the playground at his daycare. He was playing and for what ever reason he went after a little 4 year old girl who I guess is super sweet, super quiet, would never hurt a fly. Jack claims she pushed him down and that set him off. He bit her 3 times, 2 of the 3 bites left instant bruises, he then got her down on the ground, scratched her face, pinched her cheeks and by the time the teacher was over there to get him off her he had his hands around her neck choking her and this poor girls face was red and she was coughing.
This is not the first time Jack has been violent. He's has made HUGE improvements in the last 3 years but like I said before when it's bad it worse than the person with no children or people who have "normal" kids can ever imagine.
My husband and I have been sobbing all night long. Just so sad that Jack was so upset that he thought it was OK to do this. It's so hard for us to understand because all we do is love on him, get him the best help we can, etc.
I feel so terrible for Jack because he knows what he did was wrong. I told him he was grounded and could not play with my iPod touch or go outside and ride his bike tonight (his 2 favorite things) and I just couldn't hold back the tears in the car and just started to sob in the car on the way home from daycare. Usually he fights us when we take his favorite things away or try to get him to do anything that he doesn't want to do (simple things like clean up your handful of toys from the living room or put your shoes where they belong) and tonight he didn't. He knew what he did was wrong and I saw the sadness in his face. Almost as if he could take it all back he would.
So why does that bring me here...in the past Andy and I would turn to comfort food, wine and/or beer. Tonight we stuck to our menu (93% lean ground turkey breast tacos) and said we'll drink water from wine glasses. We didn't break out the wine glasses but we did chug the water like it was the best bottle of wine we ever had!
I really felt compelled to let every one know that I am real..I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a child of God. I am very busy with life but know that anything in life no matter how hard if you want it bad enough you will endure the bad as well as the good and you (I) will be victorious!!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Remembrance Run For Iowa's Fallen Soldiers
This was a great run. I was really slow today but I also wanted to reflect and think about what the men and woman have done for our great country and just soak it all in. I lost it when I ran by the 88 flags that represent each Iowan that has died in this war.
It was so cold and rainy today. When I woke up I was almost thankful for the rain thinking oh good I don't have to go run the race and then I thought wait a second you selfish little.... Do you know how many are out there right now fighting and running for their lives because they have to and they are doing it for YOU! Get up and RUN!!! JUST DO IT!!!
It was cold and it was rainy but it was great. It was an amazing time and I'm so thankful I did it. Thank you to my friend Shelly for telling me about this race! My official time was 49:56 and my friend Shelly was at 28 minutes...Who should be running the half marathon here??? I'm so excited for the half. It's going to take me forever to finish but I'm going to do it. I am going to finish.
Here are some pics from today's event (yes I finally learned how to upload images to my blog)
It was so cold and rainy today. When I woke up I was almost thankful for the rain thinking oh good I don't have to go run the race and then I thought wait a second you selfish little.... Do you know how many are out there right now fighting and running for their lives because they have to and they are doing it for YOU! Get up and RUN!!! JUST DO IT!!!
It was cold and it was rainy but it was great. It was an amazing time and I'm so thankful I did it. Thank you to my friend Shelly for telling me about this race! My official time was 49:56 and my friend Shelly was at 28 minutes...Who should be running the half marathon here??? I'm so excited for the half. It's going to take me forever to finish but I'm going to do it. I am going to finish.
Here are some pics from today's event (yes I finally learned how to upload images to my blog)
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