I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT!!!

First I'm going to copy and paste what I posted on the website I use to log all my work outs (dailymile)

I DID IT!!! Personal record met! Today's run was to walk 5 to warm up then run 20 minutes and then cool down. I was TERRIFIED to run this. For years I have talked myself into failure and not been successful with weight loss and fitness goals. Not this time. It's been hard for sure but it's been so worth it! I am so proud of myself and just almost in disbelief that I'm actually doing this. I really thought being fit, being lean, having clothes that are flattering and not just a tent to cover the fat was great for those that did it but I was not meant to be one of those. That I wasn't good enough to achieve that. I'm so sad for my past self. I can't believe that for all these years I've lied to myself like that. The good news is that I'm doing it now and I can't look back but can only press forward!!

To expand on that thought...I'm now thinking to myself what has held me back?  I don't know what did because it's not like I grew up with my parents who told me I was fat and ugly.  If anything my parents molded me to be a very strong and self confident person.  I raised knowing that what ever I wanted to do was attainable but that I had to do the work. 

Since becoming a mother I've had issues with "me".  Finding out how I as a person and not just a wife and a mother fit in and belong.  Once you have kids you life becomes about them and not about you.  They need us 24/7/365 and while it's the most rewarding thing to be a parent it really is draining and it's so easy to lose who you used to be before children.  Now that my kids are 8 (almost 9) and 5 (almost 6) I'm finding out each day more and more me. 

10 years ago I was all about the next good time. Every weekend was a celebration of food and lots of booze.  Now life is still a celebration just with more healthy foods and wine (he, he...but not to much wine).  We used to eat and drink so much I think we put our favorite pub owners son through college or at least one year.  I wish I could have that time back and live our lives now back then but we can't live in the past we can only press forward.  I'm so thankful that I've changed now and not when it was to late.

So now I think why now?  First and foremost for my health and the health of my children.  How can I raise Anna and Jack to be healthy when I am not.  Second...I want to be able to run, play, make my kids chase me.  Third so my clothes flatter me rather than act as a tent to hide the blubber.  To have the confidence on the inside that I appear to have on the outside.  Last but not least to honor God and to use my body as His temple! 

So on that note...Here's to the journey, the hard work, the turmoil, the struggle and the joy to push forward!