Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Warning this is going to most likely be a pitty post and I have already decided I won't link it to my facebook page or share because this post is more just for me but I want to write my feelings out rather than stifle them and act negative vs not talking it out. So if anyone reads this it is because they sought out to read it...

While I know that I've worked so hard to get where I am today I also have so much more work infront of me and now with this injury I'm just sad that my training has in the blink of an eye stopped.  I haven't worked out since last Friday and I almost feel like I'm mourning.  Mourning the loss of a dear friend.  Working out has helped me HUGELY with controlling anxiety and depression and while I know my mind is playing tricks on me right now I can almost feel depression coming back and I want so badly to fight it off but I don't know how.  In the old "Tiffany Days" I would eat.  I won't go back there.  I just won't.  Infact today at work we had a large meeting where cookies where given out to everyone.  One cookie seriously was the size of 4 regular cookies.  I wanted to partake but I know once I have one the downward spiral would slowly come back.

So this is me today...It's 12:30, I'm on my lunch break, writing and I'm feeling really sad.  This could also be a side effect of the prednisone too because I'm on that for the next 5 days. 

If anyone is reading this please keep me on your thoughts and prayers.  My head knows that this is temporary but my heart is just broken.

Monday, May 16, 2011

One Step Forward .... Three Steps Back

So as I've shared on Facebook and on dailymile I'm sidelined from running.

On May 7th I went for a run.  It was a beautiful Saturday morning, the perfect morning for a run.  I'm talking even if you hate running this kind of day makes you want to run.  Up until this run I'd only done about 3.5 miles so I thought I'm going for 4 miles.  I headed out to my favorite running spot, Cooper Creek Pond and set out to run.  One lap around the pond is 1.22 miles.  So I'm 2.5 laps in, doing some high 5's with other walkers and runners and think I can go 4 laps.  My lungs I think can handle an ultra marathon its my legs that need to learn to keep up.  By the end of the run I feel great.  Like a million bucks.  I get home get showered and on for my day and as the day progresses here comes the pain in my left knee.  By the end of the day I'm almost in tears and on Mother's Day I was icing the knee and napping all day.

I thought it had to be my new running shoes.  Sure they were the same as my first pair but they didn't feel as good as my first pair that I had been properly fitted for before.  So I went to the running store where I bought them and he told me that it wasn't the shoes but that it was my distance.  I did about .75 miles to long and to take it easy, do the bike and elliptical, keep icing, getting chiropractic adjustments and that I should be fine to start running by the end of the week.  Well no such luck.  I did the elliptical and bike a total of 3 times that week and my knee killed every time.  It's just not getting better.

So today I request a half day of PTO and make an appointment to go see this sports medicine doctor that was referred to me by my personal trainer.  He sends me for x-rays and my left knee is not looking so hot.  I've got damage but not so much from my current running hobby but just due to years of wear and tear.  He thinks possible stress fracture so he sends me off for an MRI and I'll know those results with in the next few days.

In the mean time he tells me that I can not work out.  He is ordering physical therapy for me and I'll have to go to the newest YMCA in West Des Moines that has an aquatic treadmill so I can continue to run.  I can't run in my race I was signed up for on Saturday (the WHAMM) and right now the jury is out if I'll be able to do the Dam to Dam in June or the half in October.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a CRY BABY!  So yes I break down crying in his office.  I was so embarrassed but told him I'll do what ever I can to get back to running and be injury free.  So I had a big 'ol pity party for myself.  I called my husband and then my sister.  To both of them I balled like a baby.  Seriously I felt as if someone told me I lost my best friend.  I sent a text to my fitness mentors text crying.  I went in for the MRI and some how was able to sleep while that machine was making those horrible noises and I limped out of there to my car thinking to myself, this will not win, this will not stop me.  I will not be a victim I will be a winner!  Funny note (or so I think)...Seriously this is my brain process "If Charlie Sheen is a winner than I am too".  He doesn't get to win and I don't!

So while I've taken big steps forward I feel like I've gone three steps back but like everything else life has handed to me I've done my best to take a bad situation and make it good, learn from it and grow.  Some times life hands us lemons and we can either turn our noses up and pucker up with a sour taste or we can make the best lemonade (thinking Iowa State Fair lemonade here).  I chose the ladder!