Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Motivation (the title doesn’t tell the story)

WARNING:  This is not going to be a shiny, happy, pretty blog post

What motivates you? For me I would always say it was my family that motivated me, my friends who have been successful in their fitness and weight loss journeys, great sayings with pretty fit women posing their hot rock hard bodies telling us to “Just do it”, a community of like minded people doing what you’re doing in life and succeeding (for example, SparkPeople, dailymile and facebook groups). All of these are great tools to help one stay motivated and they have helped me.

I’m no longer motivated but I’m on FIRE! You want to know what has put a fire under my butt…HATERS! Until recently I’ve NEVER experienced what it was like to truly have someone bash me for trying to be the best that I can be for myself, my husband and my kids.

Back story quick…As you know my 6 year old is on the high end of the autism spectrum and was diagnosed when he was 3 years old (his official Dx is PDD-NOS and he has been and still at times can be very physically aggressive because his expressive language is delayed) and we’ve done all we can do and will always do all we can do to make him the best child he can be. Recently I was told by someone this: “Jack (my son) won't behave is because you spend time on so many things, marathons, magazine competitions, holistic therapies, while never being trained by a professional behavior specialist (we've been seeing trained professionals since he was 3) on how to care for your child. You were told by multiple people to get Jack evaluated and get services from the day he was diagnosed and you waited ...what...2...3 years while you, your children, and children of others got beat up (Jack has received services since he was Dx, not stated funded services until very below for that update).” When I first read that I thought OMG how can anyone say such hateful things to me and I felt like I wanted to die and in true Tiffany Lehman fashion cried like a baby, full on cry, not being able to breathe cry, shoulders moving up and down, belting out weird noises cry, face red and headache cry…you get the picture. I felt guilty for trying to better myself so I can be better for Andy, Anna, Jack, other family members, friends, God, work, etc. I spent a lot of time letting that comment really get to me and it hurt to the bottom of my soul.

So now the sadness and anger is over and it’s full on! How dare I let someone more or less tell me I’m a bad parent because I want to get out of the morbidly obese range and be fully present in the lives of those that I love the most and those that need me to show up. How dare I try to make my sons symptoms of autism be treated first and foremost by diet, vitamins, minerals, thearipies, etc before I turn to western medicne.  How dare I give this person the time of day because the more time I give this person in my mind means that I care and you know what I DON'T.  What I do care about is being the best me I can be, being the best wife I can be, being the best mother I can be, being the best friend I can be, etc, etc, etc.  So you know what I say to the haters…BRING IT ON…You will no longer get a second of my time, you have no power over me but I will channel your anger, your bitterness and your venom to push me to be stronger and to do all that I can do for myself, my husband and my kids.

So I guess in the end…Maybe I should thank this person????  We’ll see how the results pan out, with my son, with my journey to be fit, healthy and to continue to be the best wife and mom I can be. I will say to this person thank you for giving me the blazing fire that I need to make sure that I am the best me I can be and we are the best family we can be.

For anyone wondering how Jack is doing right now…Autism is a daily thing and it will never just go away after taking 10 days of medicine like an ear infection. It is here for the long haul but I can report nothing but good news. Jack is doing amazing! He is doing so well in school, he’s bright, he’s communicating his needs and wants much better, he’s getting along well with his teachers and peers and he’s also being really nice to his big sister, Anna. What the teachers tell him to do he’s doing without causing any troubles for them, transactions are easier for him (he struggled going from a desired activity to a non-desired activity, recess to reading). For the last 3 weeks he has been either the class “Super Star” or on green (which means a good day). After years of being on a waiting list for services we are going to get some services for Jack. He/we will get respite care and other services. I’m not all sure what that entails right now but trust me when I say it’s a great thing for him and for us!

I leave you with this!!!  The best 3 minutes on the internet!!!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Ode to my sweet Andy

Oh Andy how do I love thee...let me count the ways.

I just wanted to take a minute to write a blog about my precious husband.  I love him more today than I did the day I said "I do".  I've known he was the one by the time we went out on our 2nd date, New Years Eve 1996.  His face is so sweet, round, nice, happy, caring and his eyes twinkle.  He's my gentle giant with hands that are so soft and sweet but equally big and strong.  He has amazing wisdom and and even better sense of humor. He's crazy smart not only in books but in life.  He is such an amazing cook (Mom, you were right I needed a man that can cook and thank God I found him).  What he loves he is so passionate about.  He's simple and doesn't require much and his life is an act of service.  He is always serving others before himself.  He is devoted to God, me, to our kids, the family outside our 4 walls, friends and would do anything to help in times of need.

We've been married for 13 years together for almost 15.  We have had many more ups than downs but the times in the down is when we've become stronger.  When the love isn't about romance and flowers but trust and respect.  To know you can trust a single person with everything and to know that no matter what he will always be there loving me unconditionally.  That is powerful.

Andy has been and is my rock...You are my shelter, my best friend, my comic, my personal weather man and you're all mine.  You're stuck with me until we are parted by death.

Thank you Andy for giving me the freedom to do what I want, for letting me be bossy only to realize that really I should have listened more to you and for not throwing it my face when really I deserved it.  Thank you for your constant and un-wavering support in all that makes me passionate about my life, our lives and our kids' lives.

Thank you for giving me you... I love you, then, now, forever and always!

I heard this song today for the first time and it touched my soul.

I love you and I thank God for you every day...Thank you for being mine!