Thursday, March 31, 2011

Not a good run today

So today was my first run that really got inside my head.  It started with me anxious to go work out and get my sweat on and most of all outside.  It was a crisp 40* at 11:30 with little winds so what a perfect time to go running on my lunch hour.  I decided to do my week 6 day 1 run (walk 5, run 5, walk 3, run 8, walk 3, run 5, walk 5 to cool down).

I'm 4 minutes into my 1st run and I start feeling like I'm having a panic attack but I know I'm not.  I'm not anxious at all but have that feeling.  My chest feels like it weighs 1000 pounds and I'm sucking air through a straw.  This wasn't an asthma attack though...I know what that feels like.  So I finish my first 5 minutes and start walking my 3 minutes.  3 minutes flies at warp speed and my C25K app on my iPod says in a manly mono-tone voice "run".  In my head I'm think oh *beep* I don't want to run but I do anyway...About a minute into the run I am feeling awful.  Thankfully I come up on a bench and pause my work out and sit down to catch my breath.  I sit for a couple of minutes and try to relax and take slow deep breaths.  I decide I'm going to walk until I hit my 5 minute mark of my 8 minute run.  Minute 5 left on run 2 of 3 and I start running.  The panic feeling sits in again and by this time I'm talking out loud to myself.  In a normal voice like I was having a conversation with some one.  "Come on Tiffany, you can do this.  Don't be scared.  Look at what you're doing.  Sure you look silly right now but who cares, if anyone is going to make fun of you it's only because they don't have the courage to do what you're doing.  Finish strong, just finish.  Come on, keep it up...."  You get the point...

My last walk I have to keep talking to myself and I'm finding that having a conversation with myself is actually helping me stay relaxed and my breathing under control.  I get to my last run and do all 5 minutes. I think by the end of that 5 minute run I wasn't even really "jogging" but I didn't stop.  I did the 5 minute cool down walk and I was fighting tears.  Seriously fighting tears.  How was it that less than 45 minutes ago I was so eager to get out there and run but now I feel like a pile of dog poo?  Do I really think I can do this and be a "runner".  I hate that I let this self doubt talk to me.  Seriously...why do I let myself do this to me?  Ugggg

I sent a text before I went out to run to A, B & C (for your privacy I'll spare the full names but their names do each start with an A, B and C) asking should I run and all 3 said yes.  I sent C a text when I got done saying it went bad and I started to spew via text and I was so upset I had to go to another room and call her and chat for a few minutes.  She ensured me that what I'm doing is good that it isn't something that is going to come over night that in these bad runs is where good athletes are formed...that this is when character is built and to not give up.  Of course me I cried.  I have been at this for almost 6 months and I'm ready to feel like I'm really getting some where.  I know I know I always preach...slow and steady wins the race...Hell, C started where I am now a year ago and is now an amazing athlete who is more beautiful and strong on the inside than on the outside.

So while today was a bad run tomorrow is a new day...I'm going to sleep and wake up knowing that I built my character and will be stronger because of this run today

Friday, March 25, 2011


First I'm going to copy and paste what I posted on the website I use to log all my work outs (dailymile)

I DID IT!!! Personal record met! Today's run was to walk 5 to warm up then run 20 minutes and then cool down. I was TERRIFIED to run this. For years I have talked myself into failure and not been successful with weight loss and fitness goals. Not this time. It's been hard for sure but it's been so worth it! I am so proud of myself and just almost in disbelief that I'm actually doing this. I really thought being fit, being lean, having clothes that are flattering and not just a tent to cover the fat was great for those that did it but I was not meant to be one of those. That I wasn't good enough to achieve that. I'm so sad for my past self. I can't believe that for all these years I've lied to myself like that. The good news is that I'm doing it now and I can't look back but can only press forward!!

To expand on that thought...I'm now thinking to myself what has held me back?  I don't know what did because it's not like I grew up with my parents who told me I was fat and ugly.  If anything my parents molded me to be a very strong and self confident person.  I raised knowing that what ever I wanted to do was attainable but that I had to do the work. 

Since becoming a mother I've had issues with "me".  Finding out how I as a person and not just a wife and a mother fit in and belong.  Once you have kids you life becomes about them and not about you.  They need us 24/7/365 and while it's the most rewarding thing to be a parent it really is draining and it's so easy to lose who you used to be before children.  Now that my kids are 8 (almost 9) and 5 (almost 6) I'm finding out each day more and more me. 

10 years ago I was all about the next good time. Every weekend was a celebration of food and lots of booze.  Now life is still a celebration just with more healthy foods and wine (he, he...but not to much wine).  We used to eat and drink so much I think we put our favorite pub owners son through college or at least one year.  I wish I could have that time back and live our lives now back then but we can't live in the past we can only press forward.  I'm so thankful that I've changed now and not when it was to late.

So now I think why now?  First and foremost for my health and the health of my children.  How can I raise Anna and Jack to be healthy when I am not.  Second...I want to be able to run, play, make my kids chase me.  Third so my clothes flatter me rather than act as a tent to hide the blubber.  To have the confidence on the inside that I appear to have on the outside.  Last but not least to honor God and to use my body as His temple! 

So on that note...Here's to the journey, the hard work, the turmoil, the struggle and the joy to push forward!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


So I'm doing the whole Couch-to-5K program right now to help me ease into distance running and I'm having a hell of a time getting past 5 minutes of solid run time.  Granted I know that I'm not built like most runners.  I still have A LOT of weight to lose but I figured by now I should be able to run more than 5 minutes and not feel like I'm going to puke.

So my question is this....Am I afraid but just don't know it? Am I not running correctly?

The gym I belong to (Jack's Gym @ Wells Fargo) has a running club and they are starting outdoor group runs in April.  This will be lead by one of the trainers that works there.  There are 5 trainers total at the gym and 2 of them have qualified to run in the big dance...BOSTON!  In April I am going to start doing personal training with them.  I'll do the group run on Monday at noon, personal training with them on Tuesday.  PT will just be strength and cardio mix.  Run one on one with the trainer and Thursday and Friday will be my own gig.  Friday I'll run more to keep with the Monday, Wednesday, Friday run schedule.

I'm hoping this will help me.  Come hell or high water I am doing the half marathon in October.  Even if it means I have to walk most of it...I don't care...I'm finishing!!  My goal is not to walk or to walk just a little.

One of the things I'm working on that is really building my character is giving myself the benefit of the doubt.  I have a very hard time giving myself credit and I'm also afraid of success.  I know that is so stupid isn't it?  My failure of success is once I hit that goal then what?  What will be expected of me?  What if I gain it all back?  I realize these things are all dumb and "self doubt" but these are fears I've had.  I'm breaking these fears down slowly but surely.  I guess you could say the fears are breaking down like my weight....slow and steady!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

One Bite at a Time one Decision at a Time

I recently found a blog created buy this awesome woman named Jen.  The name of her blog is Prior Fat Girl She sells all kinds of cool items and she recently ran a sale so I bought a couple of things.  One of them being a plastic bracelet that says "One bite at a time one decision at a time".  This is soooo me!  I had to get it!  That is how I'm WINNING in this race is by taking this one bite at a time and one decision at a time.  Like many I'm human and I've fallen but rather than beat myself up I get back up and get back to work.

I've recently had some pretty emotional things happen to me personally.  I don't really want to bore you with the details but it's been a rough go lately.  All in all on the food end I've done good.  Not great but not horrible.  In the past when I would get like this I would just PIG out and have no regard for what I was feeding my body.  I think this time around rather than fall so deep into a depression and food coma because of the decisions I was making I came back around faster than in the past.  Don't get me wrong there were times I wanted to face plant into the worst food possible but I resisted.

Last week I was not able to run or work out until Friday thanks to mother nature.  Friday came and I knew I could work out and I killed it on the stair climber.  Mom, dad if you're reading this close your eyes because I'm going to say a bad word....I love that bitch...The stair climber.  I love to just get all sick and gross and sweaty and just go after it.  Friday I did 73 (I think) flights of stairs in 30 minutes.  It was so therapeutic!

Today I realized I really need to do more core work so I did our 15 minute core class that is held on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday before I ran.  Today I wanted to run outside but I forgot my running pants.  It was just a tad bit to cold to run outside in shorts today.  I did the treadmill today.  It was tough!  I am doing the Couch-to-5K running plan and I'm on week 4 day 3.  Needless to say I'm going back to week 4 day 1 so today really was week 4 day 1 and Wednesday will be day 2.  It starts off by walking/warming up for 5 minutes then run for 3 minutes then walk for 90 seconds run for 5 minutes walk for 2.5 minutes run for 3 minutes then walk for 90 seconds run for 5 minutes and then cool down/walk for 5 minutes.  Today I was hurting hard core at that last 5 minutes and I wanted soooo badly to just stop running.  I think my heart rate was up in the 180's.  I have 3 women in my life that I consider my fitness and nutrition mentors, they are Connie, Brooke and Amber.  So in my head I'm chanting "WWCB&AD"...."What Would Connie, Brooke & Amber Do?"  They would run through it just to prove themselves wrong, that they are strong enough and that they can do it and if they were beside me helping me get through this work out they would be yelling at me (in a good way) to push through it and to do it and finish strong.  So that I did...I finished strong.  I ended this run with a lot of emotions.  Happy that I did finish strong but also scared with that little person in the back of your head that says do you really think you can do this?  Do you really think you can run a half marathon in October?  I'll tell you the answer to this question at first was...I'm not sure, I don't think so and then in the next breath I told myself to shut the *beep* up and that yes I was going to do this and nothing is stopping me.

Friday is payday and Friday it will be official...I will be signed up for the Des Moines Half Marathon that will take place on October 16, 2011

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Spark

If you've been following me you know I love the website I recently downloaded the book "The Spark" and its the best thing I ever did! I just came across a section that has slapped me right across my face (in a good way) & I had to share.


"One of the reasons we focus on taking small steps instead of plowing full steam to reach big goals is this: we know that major life breakthroughs are the result of building consistency and momentum in all of the cornerstones.
1. The Aha Moment. When you realize something for the first time.
2. The WooHoo. When you have taken action amd want to celebrate (ie. Me running 5 minutes with out stopping)
3. The Breakthrough Point. When you string together enough small steps made up of aha and woohoo moments you start stacking the odds in your favor. Now its a virtual guarentee that you are closing in on a breakthrough point."

Why I shared this little section of this book is because this is what is becoming my life and I'm loving it. This is so much better and fulfilling than any food or snack (not quite ready to say red wine...I kid).

This is my is a roller coaster filled with ups and downs and I wouldn't have it any other way. This journey has also made me realize just truly I am blessed and how wonderful life truly is and the best part...I feel like it's just begining.