Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A tough blog to write but feel as if I must share

I don't air out laundry on sparkpeople, facebook, twitter, blogger, etc.  However I feel as if I must today.   Warning:  this might seem un-organized as I am pretty emotional right now but it does have a good ending (well for me any way).

So today was just about like any other normal day.  I will confess I was a little hung over today.  I haven't had any real time with my sister in WAY to long and needed some TT time so I grabbed my $2.99 bottle of Tisdale Cab and off I went to her house last night and we sipped and talked for way to long but it was so wonderful to have that time with her and her husband!

So on to why I'm writing this blog...Today was just like any "normal" day.  Wake up about 10 minutes later than I should and rushing to get to work.  I take my gym bag with me because I had planned to run.  I had meeting after meeting today and email after email and just couldn't get away so I didn't get to the gym today.  Leave at 4:15 to get my kids from daycare, beautiful day outside, thinking about taking the kids for a bike ride (they ride while I run)/run while Andy (husband) makes dinner (he's the chef in our house).

I walk into daycare and one of the best teachers stops me and says to me just wanted to let you know that Jack had a really horrible afternoon it was just sad and I cried.

First a super long story super short...Jack will be 6 on Thursday and he is autistic.  His official diagnosis is PDD-NOS.  If you don't know what that is join the club and Google it (sorry bad attempt at humor).  To say at times he is a handful is like saying a category 5 hurricane did a little property damage.  When he's good he's great when he's not good it's down right hellish.

Jack was out on the playground at his daycare.  He was playing and for what ever reason he went after a little 4 year old girl who I guess is super sweet, super quiet, would never hurt a fly.  Jack claims she pushed him down and that set him off.  He bit her 3 times, 2 of the 3 bites left instant bruises, he then got her down on the ground, scratched her face, pinched her cheeks and by the time the teacher was over there to get him off her he had his hands around her neck choking her and this poor girls face was red and she was coughing.

This is not the first time Jack has been violent.  He's has made HUGE improvements in the last 3 years but like I said before when it's bad it worse than the person with no children or people who have "normal" kids can ever imagine.

My husband and I have been sobbing all night long.  Just so sad that Jack was so upset that he thought it was OK to do this.  It's so hard for us to understand because all we do is love on him, get him the best help we can, etc.

I feel so terrible for Jack because he knows what he did was wrong.  I told him he was grounded and could not play with my iPod touch or go outside and ride his bike tonight (his 2 favorite things) and I just couldn't hold back the tears in the car and just started to sob in the car on the way home from daycare.  Usually he fights us when we take his favorite things away or try to get him to do anything that he doesn't want to do (simple things like clean up your handful of toys from the living room or put your shoes where they belong) and tonight he didn't.  He knew what he did was wrong and I saw the sadness in his face.  Almost as if he could take it all back he would.

So why does that bring me here...in the past Andy and I would turn to comfort food, wine and/or beer.  Tonight we stuck to our menu (93% lean ground turkey breast tacos) and said we'll drink water from wine glasses.  We didn't break out the wine glasses but we did chug the water like it was the best bottle of wine we ever had!

I really felt compelled to let every one know that I am real..I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a child of God.  I am very busy with life but know that anything in life no matter how hard if you want it bad enough you will endure the bad as well as the good and you (I) will be victorious!!!

1 comment:

Mary Guthrie said...

Oh Tiffany. As you know, you've told me about Jack. However, I didn't know the extent of it. I'm crying right here with you. BUT...yay for you for drinking water out of a wine glass (good tip btw) and sticking to your meal plan. You can take a day off from running, allow yourself that. As my counselor (yes my counselor) says, "Be kind to yourself". That could mean many things--don't be hard on yourself, take it easy on your body (giving yourself permission to take a day off from running), give yourself credit for being a great mother, etc. You ARE a great mother to both Anna and Jack. I'll be praying that God continues to help you through your journey of raising Jack. Remember...He won't give you anything you can't handle. XO Mary