Sunday, September 25, 2011

An Ode to My Son, Jack

As I shared earlier this week we had some pretty trying times with our newly 6 year old, Jack.

This last week emotionally was probably one of the hardest in several years.  I was so stressed, busy and exhausted.  I didn't make time to work out and I've learned that if mama doesn't work out mama's not nice.  Bless my husband's heart for still loving me after the emotional basket case I was this last week.

So today...I haven't ran since last Sunday due to the above.  Today Andy, my husband, says I want you to run...You NEED to run.   Jack pipes up...MOM I want to run with you!!  How could I get out of that?  Not going to happen.  So we go to Church, go grocery shopping for the week and get home.  I'm wiped out...I lay on the couch and take about a half hour nap.  Jack waking up me a few times saying come on mom we need to go run.  I got up, ate a little lunch because I was STARVING and I said, Jack would you mind if we didn't go?  Mom's tired and I am just not feeling the best.  He has these beautiful huge blue eyes with long eye lashes and he said, mom you promised and I want to go with you..just you and me.  I thought come on Tiffany he's just wanting some time with you and how can I tell him it's important to be active, eat right, etc if I'm not living that life.

So off we went.  He hopped on his bike that is now officially done.  He literally rode the wheels off his bike and it died today. Side story,  Jack's bike is his sisters previous bike so it's pink and purple and he rides that thing with pure joy.  I told him if anyone gives him grief he needs to say real men aren't afraid of pink (LOL).  Jack got on his bike and I started running.  He was so sweet to stay with me and not run off (in the past he's run off) and he said things to me like good job mom, your doing a good job running.  We went up to his school (only about 4 blocks from our house)  and they have a little walking trail and he rode his bike around there while I ran and then there were other kids that showed up so he went and played while I ran around the track.  Here comes this guy who had to be in his 20's with a basketball.  Jack's 2nd love outside his bike is a basketball.  He goes up to this guy like he's his BFF and asks to play with him. So they start shooting hoops.  It was so sweet and the young man was so nice to Jack.

So thank you my beautiful son for being my inspiration today for making me get out there and get it done.  I love you so much!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A follow up if you will....

On Tuesday night I wrote a tough blog about my son and the struggles we've had.  I wanted to follow up with positive news and an action plan.  This won't really have anything to do with running or weight loss but I wanted to update with good news!

We met with Jack's psycharist last night and it was a very productive visit!

I feel as if 1000 pounds have been lifted off of me. We got there last night at 5:15 and talked until 6:30. His doctor is AMAZING!!!

He pretty much summed Jack up in one word = Perseveration "is the repetition of a particular response, such as a word, phrase, or gesture, despite the absence or cessation of a stimulus, usually caused by brain injury or other organic disorder.[1] If an issue has been fully explored and discussed to a point of resolution, it is not uncommon for something to trigger the reinvestigation of the matter. This can happen at any time during a conversation. This is particularly true with those who have had Traumatic brain injury. Several researchers have tried to connect perseveration with a lack of inhibition; however, this connection could not be found, or was small.[2][3]

Perseveration may also refer to the obsessive and highly selective interests of individuals on the Autism spectrum."

Jack is not like us..."normal" rules do not apply to him and other children with Autism. Everything with him is black or white there is no room for Grey. For example the grocery shopping carts with the cars Jack loves those and he knows they do not go out in the parking lot. That's the rule...We were at Home Depot once and using one of their shopping carts with the Nascar. We had a heavy load and we took it out into the parking lot. He FREAKED OUT. It was unlike any episode I'd seen at the time. So his reaction was to strike against those that broke the rules. Where for us physical violence is not acceptable and it's no big deal that we took the shopping cart with the car out into the parking lot we'll just put it back inside rather than leave it in a corral in the parking lot.

So the action plan... His doctor really feels he needs to be on the waiver for children on the spectrum for state funded services. The services in the state of IA is based on the recipients level of income and assets. Since Jack is 6 he has no income or assets so he'll be covered 100%. What this means he will go on medicade, all of his therapy visits, co-pays, medications will be 100% covered. The waiting list is 2 years long. The way to get around the waiting list is to have an IQ test done and if he doesn't meet a certain IQ level then he'll qualify immediately and we bypass the waiting list. Jack is also on a medication called Namenda. Namenda is marketed for Alzheimer patients and it's in a study to help children with ASD issues. What Namenda does is it takes the brain from firing all different directions all the time to working as one unit all the time. Jack was taking 10 mg 2 times a day and he increased his dosage to 15 mg 2 times a day. This doctor has 99% success rate with this drug in ASD patients. There was a news story on it earlier this year.

The Story from 13/WHO:,0,3693920.story

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A tough blog to write but feel as if I must share

I don't air out laundry on sparkpeople, facebook, twitter, blogger, etc.  However I feel as if I must today.   Warning:  this might seem un-organized as I am pretty emotional right now but it does have a good ending (well for me any way).

So today was just about like any other normal day.  I will confess I was a little hung over today.  I haven't had any real time with my sister in WAY to long and needed some TT time so I grabbed my $2.99 bottle of Tisdale Cab and off I went to her house last night and we sipped and talked for way to long but it was so wonderful to have that time with her and her husband!

So on to why I'm writing this blog...Today was just like any "normal" day.  Wake up about 10 minutes later than I should and rushing to get to work.  I take my gym bag with me because I had planned to run.  I had meeting after meeting today and email after email and just couldn't get away so I didn't get to the gym today.  Leave at 4:15 to get my kids from daycare, beautiful day outside, thinking about taking the kids for a bike ride (they ride while I run)/run while Andy (husband) makes dinner (he's the chef in our house).

I walk into daycare and one of the best teachers stops me and says to me just wanted to let you know that Jack had a really horrible afternoon it was just sad and I cried.

First a super long story super short...Jack will be 6 on Thursday and he is autistic.  His official diagnosis is PDD-NOS.  If you don't know what that is join the club and Google it (sorry bad attempt at humor).  To say at times he is a handful is like saying a category 5 hurricane did a little property damage.  When he's good he's great when he's not good it's down right hellish.

Jack was out on the playground at his daycare.  He was playing and for what ever reason he went after a little 4 year old girl who I guess is super sweet, super quiet, would never hurt a fly.  Jack claims she pushed him down and that set him off.  He bit her 3 times, 2 of the 3 bites left instant bruises, he then got her down on the ground, scratched her face, pinched her cheeks and by the time the teacher was over there to get him off her he had his hands around her neck choking her and this poor girls face was red and she was coughing.

This is not the first time Jack has been violent.  He's has made HUGE improvements in the last 3 years but like I said before when it's bad it worse than the person with no children or people who have "normal" kids can ever imagine.

My husband and I have been sobbing all night long.  Just so sad that Jack was so upset that he thought it was OK to do this.  It's so hard for us to understand because all we do is love on him, get him the best help we can, etc.

I feel so terrible for Jack because he knows what he did was wrong.  I told him he was grounded and could not play with my iPod touch or go outside and ride his bike tonight (his 2 favorite things) and I just couldn't hold back the tears in the car and just started to sob in the car on the way home from daycare.  Usually he fights us when we take his favorite things away or try to get him to do anything that he doesn't want to do (simple things like clean up your handful of toys from the living room or put your shoes where they belong) and tonight he didn't.  He knew what he did was wrong and I saw the sadness in his face.  Almost as if he could take it all back he would.

So why does that bring me the past Andy and I would turn to comfort food, wine and/or beer.  Tonight we stuck to our menu (93% lean ground turkey breast tacos) and said we'll drink water from wine glasses.  We didn't break out the wine glasses but we did chug the water like it was the best bottle of wine we ever had!

I really felt compelled to let every one know that I am real..I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a child of God.  I am very busy with life but know that anything in life no matter how hard if you want it bad enough you will endure the bad as well as the good and you (I) will be victorious!!!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Remembrance Run For Iowa's Fallen Soldiers

This was a great run.  I was really slow today but I also wanted to reflect and think about what the men and woman have done for our great country and just soak it all in.  I lost it when I ran by the 88 flags that represent each Iowan that has died in this war.

It was so cold and rainy today.  When I woke up I was almost thankful for the rain thinking oh good I don't have to go run the race and then I thought wait a second you selfish little....  Do you know how many are out there right now fighting and running for their lives because they have to and they are doing it for YOU!  Get up and RUN!!! JUST DO IT!!!

It was cold and it was rainy but it was great.  It was an amazing time and I'm so thankful I did it.  Thank you to my friend Shelly for telling me about this race!  My official time was 49:56 and my friend Shelly was at 28 minutes...Who should be running the half marathon here???  I'm so excited for the half.  It's going to take me forever to finish but I'm going to do it.  I am going to finish.

Here are some pics from today's event (yes I finally learned how to upload images to my blog)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

I'm On The Edge Of Glory...

Today's run was this side of AMAZING!!!  All week I've been run/walking (run 10 walk 5) for 40 minutes (45 after the cool down walk) and today my goal was to do 5 minutes of walking followed by 60 minutes of running for 10 walking for 5 and then at 65 minutes cool down walk.  I DID IT!!!  I couldn't believe it.  I finished this week in 5 runs 17 miles and if I'm up for it tomorrow I'll add a few more in the mix!! 

The first 10 minute run was hard!  I am not used to running in the mornings and my weekend running hasn't been all that consistent (that is going to change).  The first 10 minutes my head is filled with all the negative self talk and I have to literally out loud tell myself to shut up.  I said "Tiffany, don't listen to that you can do it, your strong, you've trained.  This is character building, this is when you become stronger." I don't remember if that was the specific words I used...I'm sure I threw in a few swear words too.  I love Jesus but I gotta admit...I like to swear a little at times, well OK...a lot.  

The next first 5 minute walk went by so fast.  I thought only 30 seconds passed.  About 5 minutes into the  2nd 10 minute run the pain goes away, my breathing is stabilizing, I feel relaxed and I'm just running.  I thought this is what I've wanted.  

I don't remember much other than just running and walking until about minute 35-40-ish.  A landscaping crew was out working and one of the men said hi and tried to actually flirt with me.  Made this girl feel good about herself especially since I was such a hot sweaty mess and my shirt was soaked with sweat.  Some where around minute 40 the song "Edge of Glory" comes over my iPod.  Gosh I really <3 some GaGa.  I get to the 2nd verse and my favorite phrase of the song comes on "Put on your shades because I'll be dancin' in the flames" and I start to cry.  Anyone that knows me knows I'm the worlds biggest cry baby.  I am thinking to myself OMG I'm really doing this.  I'm going to finish this run strong and I kept going.  Then the GaGa song "You and I" came over and I just kept running more and kept off and on crying happy tears.  After those two songs it was time for my 5 minute walk.  Minute 50 comes and it's time for the last run of the this leg.  By minute 55 I feel like I'm breaking down.  I slow my pace which is slow to begin with (ha) and the song "I'm moving on" comes across on my iPod.  I don't like country music at all but my girl Connie introduced me to it and I've loved it ever since.  The part of the song:  I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness. For once I'm at peace with myself.  I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long I'm movin' on.  I have really overcome a lot personally in the last 5 years. I could bore you with the details but I'll spare you.  I will say I'm so thankful for every negative thing in my life because it's turned into a positive.  In the midst of struggle it's tough but coming out of it and growing is priceless!  Being able to see the good in the bad is priceless.  

So all you little kids with the pumped up'd better run!!  If you don't run get out there and do some kickboxing or zumba just do something!!!  

Happy weekend all