Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Beyond Measure

This blog post really is not going to be much about fitness or working out because let's face it....I've not done either very well lately.  I'll just air the dirty laundry first then get to the good stuff.  I have been emotional eating.  I said it..I've been emotional eating.  I had a good grasp on that but life is life and I am who I am and it was either drink way to much wine or eat to much..I chose to eat to much.  Second thing to get out in the air...I haven't had a drink of alcohol since August 13th.  People that I've told I'm no longer drinking have asked if I'm going to drink again and my answer is I don't know.  I don't really want to because it had become a place to me that wasn't good.  I'm not saying alcohol is bad for everyone but for me...it's just not a good thing and not helping me reach my goals.  

So now that we've played taxi cab confessions and have that out of the way I just want to gush a moment.  I don't really know if anyone reads this stuff and really I don't care.  This is more of a reflection for me so I can go back in my journey and reflect on what I did good and what needs improvement.  

I just want to share how I am blessed beyond measure.  Some might scratch their heads and think really, you're feeling blessed.  You have a TON on your plate and you're feeling thankful and grateful for the stress and pain.  The answer is yes because behind hurt, pain, sadness for me it forces me to take action and usually actions that are the right actions. 

As you all know Jack, my 7 year old, is Autistic.  He is so adorable, so handsome, biggest blue eyes, longest eye lashes, deep dimple and just a handsome kid.  That's his saving grace!  Plus the fact that I carried him in my womb for 9 months and I feel a deep sense of obligation to love the child...I guess that's called being a mom (sorry bad attempt at humor).  As adorable and charming as he can be he is equally difficult to manage.  Last Tuesday was a really, really bad day.  Think of your child's worst day or your worst day at the office and multiply that times 5 and that was my day.  It was also the best day.  It was the best day because I do what I do best.  I cry it out (in this case hysterically cry it out and lose all sense of looking decent for the rest of the day) and then take action.  

Monday the 22nd Andy and I met with key staff that works with Jack through out his school day and in the meeting were others from the district to discuss what is the best environment to help Jack be successful.  We all agreed he needs more supports and that he can't learn at the same level as other kids and that he needs a little more TLC to get him to where he needs to be and actions forward were made to get him to where he needs to be.  We're meeting with all the staff again in 6 weeks to evaluate where we are, what's working, what can be removed, what's not working, etc.    

About 6 weeks ago we noticed Jack starting to have what we think are seizures.  It scares us, yes I cried and we took action.  We went to the ER, went to the doctor and he's had a MRI done to show that his brain does have some abnormal function but it's not injured, no masses or tumors (thank God).  Tonight as I write this he is with Andy at Blank undergoing the last of his 48 hour video EEG.  While I'm not thankful for him now having seizures I'm thankful he's had recorded events in the hours he's been in the hospital.  I really should be sleeping right now because I'm so tired but I just felt I had to write this out before I hit the bed.  Jack has a great team of doctors and a wonderful chiropractor who support him/us.  

I'm so thankful to my parents who have been watching Anna so Andy and I could be with Jack.  Making sure she's well cared for, brought her to the hospital to see her brother and gave her the same love and care that Andy and I would here at home.  I'm so thankful for Anna.  Gosh that girl is wise well beyond her 1st decade on this planet.  She is such a sweet hearted loving child.  She loves God with all her heart, loves her brother despite him truly being the picture perfect younger pesky brother.  She respects (most of the time) and loves Andy and I and has such great manners.  She loves her friends and has a great group of young ladies in her life.  So thankful for my sister, her husband and their kids for helping when they can and just loving us.  My immediate family is so much more than what is inside my 4 walls.  My immediate family are my 4 and the other 7.  Together the 9 of us are a great crew and I couldn't do this with out them.  Last week was so emotionally draining and it is such a blessing to know that on your way into work you can call your sister and just let it all out and get it out with out judgement and just receive great advise, support and wisdom.  I'm so blessed to have all of that.  

What I've realized today while life has thrown us some lemons really we have the best lemonade stand on the block.  I am so blessed by God, love and family.  With all of those at the center and the core of my life I can't help but too succeed...

So in writing this I guess it does come down to fitness and healthy living....It's all a cycle and it's all life.  We do what we can in the moment and do our best the next day.  So while I've been emotionally eating the good news tomorrow is a new day and I get to make new choices.  All I need to do is show up.... 

I was looking through pictures that I snapped last Saturday while I took the kids to the park to get fall pictures and after the pictures we played at the park area.  I love these two pictures because it just shows the joy in their faces and I'm so thankful for that joy because they belong to me (Andy and God to of course).  These pictures inspired me to write this blog entry and I just felt compelled to share my heart.   


julie cannon said...

Tiff, keep doing what you do. Your an amazing person, MOM, WIFE, child of God, sister, friend, daughter, on and on. People do read your story (blog) we care about tiff, pray for you, live thru you, and cry with you. Never give up the fight. Never give up on yourself. Your a constant inspiration, and make myself and others (I'm quite sure) want to be better, exercise and eat better..i will continue to pray for Jack and your family. May God keep his hand on you all, guide the doctors and staff, to a safe, healthy, and successful outcome and life, for all.
Julie Cannon

lass lassiter said...

Tiffany, all thing are in divine order, your spirit is as bright as Jack's baby blues!