This blog was meant to be posted last night, however I was so tired from the night before not being able to sleep that I did not make it down to the computer to post this blog.
Last night after watching the Biggest Loser I vowed and committed my life to change. I know this is so cliché but it's true.
Warning: If you don't want to know how much I weigh then stop reading now.
I am currently 247 pounds as of January 1, 2010 I was 260 pounds. Never have I seen myself as a 240+ pound woman until last night. There was a woman on the show who is married, has 5 kids, one of the 5 are autistic and in the midst of life she put herself last and is now 240+ because of a lack of taking care of herself. I saw this woman who weighs about the same as me, in the same life path (granted I only have 2 kids not 5 but I do have one that is autistic), has a fun spirit like me, wonderful husband like me, great life like me and is fat like me. For the first time I looked at the woman on the TV and saw what 240+ pounds looks like on me. I was disgusted and started to just sob. While laying in bed with my wonderful husband, Andy, I asked him if I look like those girls on TV that weigh 240+. He of course said no and I believe him in my head and in my heart but I know that others (not him) see me as that girl on TV that weighs 240+. I was sad for about a minute, got my good cry in and then became inspired. I could not sleep at all last night from being so excited that I got up and typed out a HUGE email to a dear friend who has gone before me who is on her journey not only to lose weight but to truly lead her whole life as a healthy person and not obese.
I only have about 117 pounds to lose (only, like it's just going to be a breeze to get it off and I should be down 117 pounds in a few months…HA). Just think of the hundreds of thousands of others that have so much to lose and how deflating and defeating it could be. It's truly heartbreaking.
The good thing about my journey is that I'm the self proclaimed "fittest fat girl on the planet". In February 2010 I climbed 1100 steps for the American Lung Association in honor of one of my girlfriends mom who passed away to a rare lung disease. I trained to run a 5K, but I didn't get to run it due to illness, I work out on average 4 times a week. The more I sweat the more I love myself and life.
Food along with millions of others is my problem. I don't have a favorite food it's all my favorite. All food good for you and all food bad for you. The ironic thing is that I truly crave good for you food over bad for you food.
So today, 09/22/10, with out even thinking (probably due to being tired because I stayed up late to type out an email and then I was to excited to sleep) go to our little coffee shop here at work and think, a White Mocha sounds good. So I get it. NEVER do I drink foo foo coffee, it's usually just regular coffee. Ugg what was I thinking. Then I proceed off and on through out the day to eat candy from a co-workers desk. They really need to outlaw candy on the desk at work. Not even thinking about it honestly. Uggg…the good news is I get to start over with the next thing that I put up to my lips. I can promise you, I will not be complacent again with my food choices especially since I've vowed to God, myself, and my family that from here forward we are going to not only lose weight but most importantly be healthy and not be a tragic statistic!
One of my girlfriends who was so close to having lap band surgery (I strongly considered this route as well) and at the last minute she decided she was going to give it one last shot on her own with out help from pills or surgery (this is the one I emailed last night). Needless to say she has lost over 100 pounds and is an athlete! She has always inspired and moved me. Not just because she's lost weight but in her life in general.
So my plans for this blog is to use it as some what of a journey for myself and a way to keep myself in check and not wonder why am I doing all this work and not losing weight. If I question that then I will have this blog to reference back to so I can see patterns. Chances are I will not share this blog with many so I won't most likely have a herd of followers but I do want to keep this as a blog for myself so I can physically write, see and share my life not only as a thin girl trying to get out of this fat body.
So get a water and some celery and enjoy the journey with me!