I did it....OMG just amazing. I just couldn't ask for a better day and a better race. The day started very early, we were out the door by 6:45am. Andy and the kids said farewell after they dropped me off and headed to their destination where they would see me at mile 4 and 8. Shockingly I was very calm the entire morning before the race. In every race I've done before (which I've only been able to do 5K's before today) I was a ball of nerves and just so emotional.
7am until the start of the race I spent with my friend Becky and met some new friends as well. I tell ya runners are the nicest group of people. We are all one another's biggest fans. I was starting to get a little nervous but not to bad. I had to use the ladies room 3 times before the gun went off. Before the race began they played Jimi Hendrix's version of the National Anthem. Instantly I thought why didn't I think to download that to my iPod. The gun goes off and it takes 6 minutes to get from where I was to the start line. Cross the start line and it starts to sort of break up and who do I see....Daniel from the Biggest Loser season 8. I said to him Daniel so good to see you do you mind if I run with you for a little bit. He was the sweetest kid (I can say that because I'm 38 and he's way younger than me LOL). We ran together for about a half mile. Awesome!!! He really is just so wonderful!!!
Mile 4 I see my husband, kids, mom and brother in law and instantly I'm balling...Hello it's me we're talking about, the BIGGEST cry baby EVER! I run off the side to give them all kisses, hugs, high 5's. After I saw them I kind of teamed up with a gal who speed walks half marathon's. She just did one 2 weeks ago in the Quad Cities and it was super hilly I guess. She said she still had blisters on her feet. Around mile 6 my hands are so swollen and I notice the bottom of my feet starting to hurt. I walked probably close to a half mile. Prior to that I was running 8 minutes walking 3. Here comes mile 8 and I've looped around the lake and back to where I was at mile 4 where I saw my family. My husband and kids were still there of course, along with my mom and now my dad was there and he had his video camera. I can't wait to see his video! Again I'm sobbing and run off telling them I loved them, thank you and I'll see them at the finish line.
Oh I forgot around mile 4 here comes the Elite runners. I'm on mile 4 and he's on mile I think 20 for his marathon....Over achiever (HA)! He was being escorted by a police motorcycle team. It was the coolest thing to see. My mom said he was ear to ear smile. It was so awesome to be lapped by the Elite!!
By 3 hours into the race my Nike+ sensor was like yea, thanks for playing but I'm done. HA! Miles 8-11 were tough. Lots of walking in these miles. The soles of my feet were killing me. Nothing else just my feet. Note to self...NEVER wear new socks you've not ran in before the day of a half marathon. So I'm truckin' along and running and walking and marathon runners are coming down on miles 24 and 25 and they are starting to hurt. My heart just went out to them but I'm also thinking WOW you are just amazing. What endurance you have to have to run that long. I'm truly in awe of those that do run the 26.2 miles. Some day I might just join you! So I'm running along and the marathon runners who are passing me are cheering me on. It was awesome. It was so uplifting and just what I needed to make it to the finish.
I'm coming down the last turn and I see my dad with his video camera with my son and again I..... you guess..HA. Yes I cry. I say come on Jack want to run with mom a little bit. Of course he's on it like white on rice and grabs me by the hand and wants me to go in an all out sprint. I was like whoa buddy mommy can't go that fast right now. He had a hold of my hand, I'm crying, he then goes back to my dad and her comes this woman whom I've never met before named Krista. She's already finished and she grabs me by the hand because she can see how emotional I am. Of course the crowd at this point is roaring and I'm just overwhelmed with emotions. She says you're doing awesome. You're doing it, wait until you finish you're going to feel like a million bucks. Then we have some talk and coming down the barricades into the finish she lets me go. She said, "there you go, finish it, finish strong, you're amazing" and she lets me go.
I did it!!! I crossed the finish line, I got my metal!! I'm just in awe. Truly in awe. I did it!! I did it!!! I still feel like that was all a dream and really this race isn't happening until next Sunday and today was a dream. Everyone was there to give me hugs, kisses and words of encouragement it couldn't have been more amazing.
I have to tell you that honestly all of you that have supported me were there. It's because of you I was able to finish this. In the times where it was the toughest your good thoughts and your support got me to the finish line.
I can't wait to do this again...Not sure if this time is official but according to my text alert my final time was 4 hours 1 minute and 39 seconds.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
24 hours from right now....
I will have completed my first half marathon. As I look back over this last year I'm just in awe. I can not believe that one short year ago I was a volunteer taking off the runners timing chips and giving them their metals as they crossed the finish line. I remember seeing some people just come in ear to ear grin, some come in with pure agony and pain, some with tears streaming down their faces, some very stoic because this is what they do for a living. It's endless...
I'm telling you anyone can do this and if you don't think you can I dare you to try. Prove to yourself that you are a failure and that you can't do this and then realize about 3 weeks into training the light goes on and you say you know what..I can do this!!! Prove yourself wrong. Anyone starting out I urge you to start with the Couch to 5K program. That is the BEST way to start and avoid injury and then build from there.
I can't believe how much I've grown personally. I'm not nearly as thin as I'd like to be but you know what this is a life and my metobalism stinks but you know what I will get to my goals. I'm reaching for the stars and you know what while I'm not hitting the stars right now, I am on top of the world.
I want to end with thank you...Thank you to everyone for all your support, words, thoughts, prayers, etc. Really I feel as if I'm cheating you with just a simple thank you but that really is all there is. I'm humbled by the support. Truly, my heart is so full of sheer joy and it's because of you!
So for now I bid you farewell, I'm off to sleep, wake up at 5:15am, shower, get all dolled up to sweat it all off, eat some oatmeal, have a cup of coffee, stretch, start and finish my first half marathon.
I'm telling you anyone can do this and if you don't think you can I dare you to try. Prove to yourself that you are a failure and that you can't do this and then realize about 3 weeks into training the light goes on and you say you know what..I can do this!!! Prove yourself wrong. Anyone starting out I urge you to start with the Couch to 5K program. That is the BEST way to start and avoid injury and then build from there.
I can't believe how much I've grown personally. I'm not nearly as thin as I'd like to be but you know what this is a life and my metobalism stinks but you know what I will get to my goals. I'm reaching for the stars and you know what while I'm not hitting the stars right now, I am on top of the world.
I want to end with thank you...Thank you to everyone for all your support, words, thoughts, prayers, etc. Really I feel as if I'm cheating you with just a simple thank you but that really is all there is. I'm humbled by the support. Truly, my heart is so full of sheer joy and it's because of you!
So for now I bid you farewell, I'm off to sleep, wake up at 5:15am, shower, get all dolled up to sweat it all off, eat some oatmeal, have a cup of coffee, stretch, start and finish my first half marathon.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Hip Hip Horray For The Non-Scale Victories!!!!
Let's face it, I'm doing this blog, sparkpeople, running, healthy eating, etc to lose weight, get healthy, fit and support.
I'm a part of a biggest loser competition on sparkpeople.com and was kind of disappointed that I only lost 1 pound this last week. There is always room for improvement and I wasn't die hard all 7 days but still I thought more than 1 pound should be lost.
So today I head to the gym...I didn't want to go to the gym but I went anyway. My knee is giving me a little bit of a hard time so I decided I was going to do the stationary bike for a half hour just to get my heart rate up and sweat out some frustration.
As I'm on the bike grumbling under my breath I look down at my legs and I think to myself...Dang these old legs are looking pretty good! Then I realize the biggest change of all.
In the past when ever I would ride the stationary bike my stomach fat would move up and down about as fast as my legs. Well there was no stomach jiggle!
So what was a grrrr kind of work out pepped me right up and made me realize that while the scale doesn't tell me what I want it to doesn't mean that I'm not making progress. So hip hip hooray for non-scale victories...What are yours?
I'm a part of a biggest loser competition on sparkpeople.com and was kind of disappointed that I only lost 1 pound this last week. There is always room for improvement and I wasn't die hard all 7 days but still I thought more than 1 pound should be lost.
So today I head to the gym...I didn't want to go to the gym but I went anyway. My knee is giving me a little bit of a hard time so I decided I was going to do the stationary bike for a half hour just to get my heart rate up and sweat out some frustration.
As I'm on the bike grumbling under my breath I look down at my legs and I think to myself...Dang these old legs are looking pretty good! Then I realize the biggest change of all.
In the past when ever I would ride the stationary bike my stomach fat would move up and down about as fast as my legs. Well there was no stomach jiggle!
So what was a grrrr kind of work out pepped me right up and made me realize that while the scale doesn't tell me what I want it to doesn't mean that I'm not making progress. So hip hip hooray for non-scale victories...What are yours?
Monday, October 3, 2011
A Dream Almost Gone
Today I thought my dreams were done. I decided to run to lose weight and prove to myself that I can do this. Sure I'll never be the skinniest or the fastest but I do deserve to be healthy and fit.
October 2010 my friend and I volunteered at the Annual Des Moines Marathon sponsored by the IMT insurance group. I made a commitment to do the half marathon this October.
In April I registered for the half. Today an email comes out saying friends, family, etc can get text messages of how you are doing in your race. So I go to search for myself and I'm not there. I freak out. I call getmeregistered.com and he tells that yes I did register but it wasn't for the race it was for the pasta dinner the night before. He then tells me to call the person who organizes this race. So I get a hold of him and he said he will honor the $50 price (I would swear on my life I paid for this but every financial record from April to now shows that I did not). Right now is not a good time for me/us to shell out $$ for this race. I was sooo upset. I thought everything I've been working for is gone. Yes I know anyone can go out and run 13.1 miles and that there are many other half's I can do but this one is special to me. This one is like my baby. I don't think I can fully describe it but I'm sure you've all had that kind of feeling.
I posted on facebook what happened and how I was crushed and how right now I just can't put out the money to register. One of my dear friends who I've known since we were in 6th grade who, came in and out of my life from middle school to high school, re-connected in college to lose touch again and through facebook have become very close and will never lose the connection, bought and paid for my registration fee into this race. I've always been on the giving end of doing a good thing and paying it forward never on the receiving end. I am so humbled and I have no words to express my gratefulness. I'm just touched by how kind people can be. People truly are a gift. I'm so blessed and so touched and so moved.
October 2010 my friend and I volunteered at the Annual Des Moines Marathon sponsored by the IMT insurance group. I made a commitment to do the half marathon this October.
In April I registered for the half. Today an email comes out saying friends, family, etc can get text messages of how you are doing in your race. So I go to search for myself and I'm not there. I freak out. I call getmeregistered.com and he tells that yes I did register but it wasn't for the race it was for the pasta dinner the night before. He then tells me to call the person who organizes this race. So I get a hold of him and he said he will honor the $50 price (I would swear on my life I paid for this but every financial record from April to now shows that I did not). Right now is not a good time for me/us to shell out $$ for this race. I was sooo upset. I thought everything I've been working for is gone. Yes I know anyone can go out and run 13.1 miles and that there are many other half's I can do but this one is special to me. This one is like my baby. I don't think I can fully describe it but I'm sure you've all had that kind of feeling.
I posted on facebook what happened and how I was crushed and how right now I just can't put out the money to register. One of my dear friends who I've known since we were in 6th grade who, came in and out of my life from middle school to high school, re-connected in college to lose touch again and through facebook have become very close and will never lose the connection, bought and paid for my registration fee into this race. I've always been on the giving end of doing a good thing and paying it forward never on the receiving end. I am so humbled and I have no words to express my gratefulness. I'm just touched by how kind people can be. People truly are a gift. I'm so blessed and so touched and so moved.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
An Ode to My Son, Jack
As I shared earlier this week we had some pretty trying times with our newly 6 year old, Jack.
This last week emotionally was probably one of the hardest in several years. I was so stressed, busy and exhausted. I didn't make time to work out and I've learned that if mama doesn't work out mama's not nice. Bless my husband's heart for still loving me after the emotional basket case I was this last week.
So today...I haven't ran since last Sunday due to the above. Today Andy, my husband, says I want you to run...You NEED to run. Jack pipes up...MOM I want to run with you!! How could I get out of that? Not going to happen. So we go to Church, go grocery shopping for the week and get home. I'm wiped out...I lay on the couch and take about a half hour nap. Jack waking up me a few times saying come on mom we need to go run. I got up, ate a little lunch because I was STARVING and I said, Jack would you mind if we didn't go? Mom's tired and I am just not feeling the best. He has these beautiful huge blue eyes with long eye lashes and he said, mom you promised and I want to go with you..just you and me. I thought come on Tiffany he's just wanting some time with you and how can I tell him it's important to be active, eat right, etc if I'm not living that life.
So off we went. He hopped on his bike that is now officially done. He literally rode the wheels off his bike and it died today. Side story, Jack's bike is his sisters previous bike so it's pink and purple and he rides that thing with pure joy. I told him if anyone gives him grief he needs to say real men aren't afraid of pink (LOL). Jack got on his bike and I started running. He was so sweet to stay with me and not run off (in the past he's run off) and he said things to me like good job mom, your doing a good job running. We went up to his school (only about 4 blocks from our house) and they have a little walking trail and he rode his bike around there while I ran and then there were other kids that showed up so he went and played while I ran around the track. Here comes this guy who had to be in his 20's with a basketball. Jack's 2nd love outside his bike is a basketball. He goes up to this guy like he's his BFF and asks to play with him. So they start shooting hoops. It was so sweet and the young man was so nice to Jack.
So thank you my beautiful son for being my inspiration today for making me get out there and get it done. I love you so much!!!
This last week emotionally was probably one of the hardest in several years. I was so stressed, busy and exhausted. I didn't make time to work out and I've learned that if mama doesn't work out mama's not nice. Bless my husband's heart for still loving me after the emotional basket case I was this last week.
So today...I haven't ran since last Sunday due to the above. Today Andy, my husband, says I want you to run...You NEED to run. Jack pipes up...MOM I want to run with you!! How could I get out of that? Not going to happen. So we go to Church, go grocery shopping for the week and get home. I'm wiped out...I lay on the couch and take about a half hour nap. Jack waking up me a few times saying come on mom we need to go run. I got up, ate a little lunch because I was STARVING and I said, Jack would you mind if we didn't go? Mom's tired and I am just not feeling the best. He has these beautiful huge blue eyes with long eye lashes and he said, mom you promised and I want to go with you..just you and me. I thought come on Tiffany he's just wanting some time with you and how can I tell him it's important to be active, eat right, etc if I'm not living that life.
So off we went. He hopped on his bike that is now officially done. He literally rode the wheels off his bike and it died today. Side story, Jack's bike is his sisters previous bike so it's pink and purple and he rides that thing with pure joy. I told him if anyone gives him grief he needs to say real men aren't afraid of pink (LOL). Jack got on his bike and I started running. He was so sweet to stay with me and not run off (in the past he's run off) and he said things to me like good job mom, your doing a good job running. We went up to his school (only about 4 blocks from our house) and they have a little walking trail and he rode his bike around there while I ran and then there were other kids that showed up so he went and played while I ran around the track. Here comes this guy who had to be in his 20's with a basketball. Jack's 2nd love outside his bike is a basketball. He goes up to this guy like he's his BFF and asks to play with him. So they start shooting hoops. It was so sweet and the young man was so nice to Jack.
So thank you my beautiful son for being my inspiration today for making me get out there and get it done. I love you so much!!!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A follow up if you will....
On Tuesday night I wrote a tough blog about my son and the struggles we've had. I wanted to follow up with positive news and an action plan. This won't really have anything to do with running or weight loss but I wanted to update with good news!
We met with Jack's psycharist last night and it was a very productive visit!
I feel as if 1000 pounds have been lifted off of me. We got there last night at 5:15 and talked until 6:30. His doctor is AMAZING!!!
He pretty much summed Jack up in one word = Perseveration "is the repetition of a particular response, such as a word, phrase, or gesture, despite the absence or cessation of a stimulus, usually caused by brain injury or other organic disorder.[1] If an issue has been fully explored and discussed to a point of resolution, it is not uncommon for something to trigger the reinvestigation of the matter. This can happen at any time during a conversation. This is particularly true with those who have had Traumatic brain injury. Several researchers have tried to connect perseveration with a lack of inhibition; however, this connection could not be found, or was small.[2][3]
Perseveration may also refer to the obsessive and highly selective interests of individuals on the Autism spectrum."
Jack is not like us..."normal" rules do not apply to him and other children with Autism. Everything with him is black or white there is no room for Grey. For example the grocery shopping carts with the cars Jack loves those and he knows they do not go out in the parking lot. That's the rule...We were at Home Depot once and using one of their shopping carts with the Nascar. We had a heavy load and we took it out into the parking lot. He FREAKED OUT. It was unlike any episode I'd seen at the time. So his reaction was to strike against those that broke the rules. Where for us physical violence is not acceptable and it's no big deal that we took the shopping cart with the car out into the parking lot we'll just put it back inside rather than leave it in a corral in the parking lot.
So the action plan... His doctor really feels he needs to be on the waiver for children on the spectrum for state funded services. The services in the state of IA is based on the recipients level of income and assets. Since Jack is 6 he has no income or assets so he'll be covered 100%. What this means he will go on medicade, all of his therapy visits, co-pays, medications will be 100% covered. The waiting list is 2 years long. The way to get around the waiting list is to have an IQ test done and if he doesn't meet a certain IQ level then he'll qualify immediately and we bypass the waiting list. Jack is also on a medication called Namenda. Namenda is marketed for Alzheimer patients and it's in a study to help children with ASD issues. What Namenda does is it takes the brain from firing all different directions all the time to working as one unit all the time. Jack was taking 10 mg 2 times a day and he increased his dosage to 15 mg 2 times a day. This doctor has 99% success rate with this drug in ASD patients. There was a news story on it earlier this year.
The Story from 13/WHO:
http://www.whotv.com/news/who-story-namenda-20110203,0,3693920.story
We met with Jack's psycharist last night and it was a very productive visit!
I feel as if 1000 pounds have been lifted off of me. We got there last night at 5:15 and talked until 6:30. His doctor is AMAZING!!!
He pretty much summed Jack up in one word = Perseveration "is the repetition of a particular response, such as a word, phrase, or gesture, despite the absence or cessation of a stimulus, usually caused by brain injury or other organic disorder.[1] If an issue has been fully explored and discussed to a point of resolution, it is not uncommon for something to trigger the reinvestigation of the matter. This can happen at any time during a conversation. This is particularly true with those who have had Traumatic brain injury. Several researchers have tried to connect perseveration with a lack of inhibition; however, this connection could not be found, or was small.[2][3]
Perseveration may also refer to the obsessive and highly selective interests of individuals on the Autism spectrum."
Jack is not like us..."normal" rules do not apply to him and other children with Autism. Everything with him is black or white there is no room for Grey. For example the grocery shopping carts with the cars Jack loves those and he knows they do not go out in the parking lot. That's the rule...We were at Home Depot once and using one of their shopping carts with the Nascar. We had a heavy load and we took it out into the parking lot. He FREAKED OUT. It was unlike any episode I'd seen at the time. So his reaction was to strike against those that broke the rules. Where for us physical violence is not acceptable and it's no big deal that we took the shopping cart with the car out into the parking lot we'll just put it back inside rather than leave it in a corral in the parking lot.
So the action plan... His doctor really feels he needs to be on the waiver for children on the spectrum for state funded services. The services in the state of IA is based on the recipients level of income and assets. Since Jack is 6 he has no income or assets so he'll be covered 100%. What this means he will go on medicade, all of his therapy visits, co-pays, medications will be 100% covered. The waiting list is 2 years long. The way to get around the waiting list is to have an IQ test done and if he doesn't meet a certain IQ level then he'll qualify immediately and we bypass the waiting list. Jack is also on a medication called Namenda. Namenda is marketed for Alzheimer patients and it's in a study to help children with ASD issues. What Namenda does is it takes the brain from firing all different directions all the time to working as one unit all the time. Jack was taking 10 mg 2 times a day and he increased his dosage to 15 mg 2 times a day. This doctor has 99% success rate with this drug in ASD patients. There was a news story on it earlier this year.
The Story from 13/WHO:
http://www.whotv.com/news/who-story-namenda-20110203,0,3693920.story
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A tough blog to write but feel as if I must share
I don't air out laundry on sparkpeople, facebook, twitter, blogger, etc. However I feel as if I must today. Warning: this might seem un-organized as I am pretty emotional right now but it does have a good ending (well for me any way).
So today was just about like any other normal day. I will confess I was a little hung over today. I haven't had any real time with my sister in WAY to long and needed some TT time so I grabbed my $2.99 bottle of Tisdale Cab and off I went to her house last night and we sipped and talked for way to long but it was so wonderful to have that time with her and her husband!
So on to why I'm writing this blog...Today was just like any "normal" day. Wake up about 10 minutes later than I should and rushing to get to work. I take my gym bag with me because I had planned to run. I had meeting after meeting today and email after email and just couldn't get away so I didn't get to the gym today. Leave at 4:15 to get my kids from daycare, beautiful day outside, thinking about taking the kids for a bike ride (they ride while I run)/run while Andy (husband) makes dinner (he's the chef in our house).
I walk into daycare and one of the best teachers stops me and says to me just wanted to let you know that Jack had a really horrible afternoon it was just sad and I cried.
First a super long story super short...Jack will be 6 on Thursday and he is autistic. His official diagnosis is PDD-NOS. If you don't know what that is join the club and Google it (sorry bad attempt at humor). To say at times he is a handful is like saying a category 5 hurricane did a little property damage. When he's good he's great when he's not good it's down right hellish.
Jack was out on the playground at his daycare. He was playing and for what ever reason he went after a little 4 year old girl who I guess is super sweet, super quiet, would never hurt a fly. Jack claims she pushed him down and that set him off. He bit her 3 times, 2 of the 3 bites left instant bruises, he then got her down on the ground, scratched her face, pinched her cheeks and by the time the teacher was over there to get him off her he had his hands around her neck choking her and this poor girls face was red and she was coughing.
This is not the first time Jack has been violent. He's has made HUGE improvements in the last 3 years but like I said before when it's bad it worse than the person with no children or people who have "normal" kids can ever imagine.
My husband and I have been sobbing all night long. Just so sad that Jack was so upset that he thought it was OK to do this. It's so hard for us to understand because all we do is love on him, get him the best help we can, etc.
I feel so terrible for Jack because he knows what he did was wrong. I told him he was grounded and could not play with my iPod touch or go outside and ride his bike tonight (his 2 favorite things) and I just couldn't hold back the tears in the car and just started to sob in the car on the way home from daycare. Usually he fights us when we take his favorite things away or try to get him to do anything that he doesn't want to do (simple things like clean up your handful of toys from the living room or put your shoes where they belong) and tonight he didn't. He knew what he did was wrong and I saw the sadness in his face. Almost as if he could take it all back he would.
So why does that bring me here...in the past Andy and I would turn to comfort food, wine and/or beer. Tonight we stuck to our menu (93% lean ground turkey breast tacos) and said we'll drink water from wine glasses. We didn't break out the wine glasses but we did chug the water like it was the best bottle of wine we ever had!
I really felt compelled to let every one know that I am real..I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a child of God. I am very busy with life but know that anything in life no matter how hard if you want it bad enough you will endure the bad as well as the good and you (I) will be victorious!!!
So today was just about like any other normal day. I will confess I was a little hung over today. I haven't had any real time with my sister in WAY to long and needed some TT time so I grabbed my $2.99 bottle of Tisdale Cab and off I went to her house last night and we sipped and talked for way to long but it was so wonderful to have that time with her and her husband!
So on to why I'm writing this blog...Today was just like any "normal" day. Wake up about 10 minutes later than I should and rushing to get to work. I take my gym bag with me because I had planned to run. I had meeting after meeting today and email after email and just couldn't get away so I didn't get to the gym today. Leave at 4:15 to get my kids from daycare, beautiful day outside, thinking about taking the kids for a bike ride (they ride while I run)/run while Andy (husband) makes dinner (he's the chef in our house).
I walk into daycare and one of the best teachers stops me and says to me just wanted to let you know that Jack had a really horrible afternoon it was just sad and I cried.
First a super long story super short...Jack will be 6 on Thursday and he is autistic. His official diagnosis is PDD-NOS. If you don't know what that is join the club and Google it (sorry bad attempt at humor). To say at times he is a handful is like saying a category 5 hurricane did a little property damage. When he's good he's great when he's not good it's down right hellish.
Jack was out on the playground at his daycare. He was playing and for what ever reason he went after a little 4 year old girl who I guess is super sweet, super quiet, would never hurt a fly. Jack claims she pushed him down and that set him off. He bit her 3 times, 2 of the 3 bites left instant bruises, he then got her down on the ground, scratched her face, pinched her cheeks and by the time the teacher was over there to get him off her he had his hands around her neck choking her and this poor girls face was red and she was coughing.
This is not the first time Jack has been violent. He's has made HUGE improvements in the last 3 years but like I said before when it's bad it worse than the person with no children or people who have "normal" kids can ever imagine.
My husband and I have been sobbing all night long. Just so sad that Jack was so upset that he thought it was OK to do this. It's so hard for us to understand because all we do is love on him, get him the best help we can, etc.
I feel so terrible for Jack because he knows what he did was wrong. I told him he was grounded and could not play with my iPod touch or go outside and ride his bike tonight (his 2 favorite things) and I just couldn't hold back the tears in the car and just started to sob in the car on the way home from daycare. Usually he fights us when we take his favorite things away or try to get him to do anything that he doesn't want to do (simple things like clean up your handful of toys from the living room or put your shoes where they belong) and tonight he didn't. He knew what he did was wrong and I saw the sadness in his face. Almost as if he could take it all back he would.
So why does that bring me here...in the past Andy and I would turn to comfort food, wine and/or beer. Tonight we stuck to our menu (93% lean ground turkey breast tacos) and said we'll drink water from wine glasses. We didn't break out the wine glasses but we did chug the water like it was the best bottle of wine we ever had!
I really felt compelled to let every one know that I am real..I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a child of God. I am very busy with life but know that anything in life no matter how hard if you want it bad enough you will endure the bad as well as the good and you (I) will be victorious!!!
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